//...strike!...\\

Monday, August 08, 2005

yea... after a few months... well abt 6mths nvr come here bah, i now gg to restart tis blog... haha but frankly i still dunno how to put frens in here or chatbox but nvm, i shld vent my frustration here mah hahahaha.... after coming to SA, well life became a little bit of meaningless to me.... many things went wrong during the 4mths' time in SA... lost the ZFAC to again the almost same team last yr *wtf* but i muz admit i'm not prepared for it though... den i started missing my dear cj frens... haix up til now i found myself wishing i had nvr chosen SA as my 1st choice, but oh well tt's life...

then nt vv long after i paid a return trip to cj den i realised something... something tt made me think more clearly abt life... something tt for the first time forced me to consider adding another closed one to my messed-up life.... i was confused for some time, then came the ultimate blow... i can still remember vividly the day where i was muggin in my room when my dad came in n started tis conversation....

" do u have any caps around?"
" uhmmmm..... let me see.... the nike one loh.... y u need it?"
" oh, i going for chemotheraphy injections, so all my hair will drop off, not nice, so i need to wear cap...."

that was the turning point of my life... i began to realised the importance of considering the effects of the actions u are going to do, especially if it will cause a huge change to ur life... well, having a *ahem* will of cos does tt, but when my dad's health is in tis state? i cant, really.... i juz dun have the mental strength to start when all this problems coming in.... soon i fell into depression... i started thinkin about all the things i have done wrong during the past 2 yrs... the tough years of competition training during sec3 n 4, the pulling out of my teammates 1 by 1, the promotion to NCO, the things i have done wrongly or poorly as the OIC, the cheating scandal in sec4, the loss in the competition... life's liddat, wad to do??

the 1st 3mths in cj were definitely the best times of my life... wad an irony, i tot it was the end of the world when i heard i'm posted there last december... haha oh well, will nvr forget 1T37, which made me feel life's worth living on.... coming to SA with high hopes, but the sch disappoint me greatly... i dunno how to describle, but really, it was in SA where i fell into depression... everyday in sch hanging out wif the guys, i had to force a smile n put on a cheery face cos i noe, who cares abt my problems?? do i expect someone who i have known for 2mths to solve my problems??

i'm nt really good in english, so if ya have ??? above ur heads after finish reading, relax, it's nt supernatural.... recently things kept going wrong for me, i juz dunno why, maybe because i sux *hahaha* but reallly i can find no other explanations loh... even up to tis day, i'm not displayin my emotions on my face... i'm still actin to be a guy who dun give a damn to this world, an antisocial male who dun mix wif females, a would-be man tormented by love and heartache... it's a fact that i'm a mystery, cos i dun even understand myself at times, really....

well after yesterday's adventure in PS, i did feel better, it's lyk puttin off a huge stone in my mind, nvr felt so relieved b4.... now i'm crossin my fingers tt my life in SA will be better now after tis entry... ;-)

//Brandon struck at 5:30 AM\\