//...strike!...\\

Saturday, April 26, 2008

If the 'word of the week' the previous one is drained, then this time round it ought to be 'exhausted', like duh..

Starting the week in the worst possible way our platoon still gotta help out in building a 'drain'... Problem is, after the whole thing was finished, i dunno what i've done for the past period of time, except filling sandbags and placing sandbags and doing ridiculous stuffs... Army, eh? Somehow for the whole of this week this question kept popping into my mind;

"What am i doing this for?"

Dont ask why, but really, if only a few productive men are working in an already small platoon, then does the few productive men have any reasons to carry on pushing themselves to their limits? Then again, it didnt take long for me to find out the reason: heck care them lar i will only push myself for the few productive men in the platoon, and it's alright to smile only for myself..

This episode burnt off monday and tuesday, injuring a sgt in the process.. f that driver braking so hard, it somehow managed to move a ton of sand sliding down the tonner, ramming the sgt's legs and crushing my left hand together.. Like wow, i thought he could have broken his legs, and i'll just use a air pump to get back my left hand haha.. Come wednesday with a battalion pt that left all of us O_O before running 3km.. Already shagged before the run, i tried hard to catch up with the front people, with only jianliang in front and the rest were going through the motion and jogging behind; i kept wondering whether i should push myself again, and tada the question popped out again

"What am i doing this for?"

when everyone were jogging behind and i was struggling to catch up, and that jl was looking so carefree when running with the front guys (he was a good runner and i wasnt).. So i decided to run faster to catch up, 'cos in the end only i will benefit if i train harder, and in a selfish platoon like this, it's alright to smile only for myself...

Came to shocker of the week: thurs soc changed to ippt!! argh like how can i get my silver?! After a hectic 3 days? -_- As expected i couldnt get, i was totally shagged out during the 2.4km run; i couldnt coordinate my legs' movements at all.. As sgt hon ran beside me i was repeating, "its all excuses, its all excuses that i'm tired.." Normally it worked, but it didnt on that day.. Though i didnt stop during the run, the timing was downright sucky.. Never mind how the others did, i was just disappointed in the end..

Later that day the 'country side monkey' suddenly went crazy and ordered a thorough area cleaning for the whole level.. Ok loh go clean loh.. Then he went crazy again over the number of offs for the men in our company.. All the sudden everyone can only have 5 offs -_- too bad for those with numerous offs.. Maybe i shouldnt ask about my offs, 'cos the reply was "actually you had already used up your offs this year last december, but we'll still record you as having 5 offs this year"

W
A
D

T
H
E

F
U
C
K

why is everyone thinking that taking offs before and after my dad's demise is a crime? As if i'm happy to take the offs because of this?! As if i would tell myself "ah nice timing to take off cos my dad just passed away" WTF! not that i was so despotic about the number of offs, but really i rather not know the reasons for having only JUST 5 OFFS for this year, WTF!

PS: i'm not really angry at anyone, just that i dont understand, are the number of offs sucha big deal? why, even our very own fellow platoon mates were telling me that i had a long break last december, but then again, DO THEY REALLY CONSIDER LAST DECEMBER A BREAK FOR ME?!

Sigh, what a week... Come friday i hadnt had lots of mood to run, and my both thighs were aching so bad i cant climb stairs for nuts.. After the run i wasnt really sure about myself: am i physically tired, or mentally? If i'm only physically tired, a good 10 hours of sleep will help, but for the latter, i dont know how man...

"what am i doing this for...?"

i leave no faith in army anymore, i will chiong only for my platoon, the specs and for myself

its alright to smile only for myself...

//Brandon struck at 11:42 AM\\

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Ironic, huh? I'm adept in using machineries to dig drainages and i'm feeling rather drained now :S

omg man have you ever seen a file transfer which requires 2 DAYS AND 11 HOURS to move from file A to file B? :S

Ah yeah kinda sucks, with army burning every of my precious saturdays mercilessly i lost the mood to even start gaming properly, nvm that i just fell out with my army bed buddy and his 'lackey' over something so minor and childish :S but this incident made me realised one hard fact about being a Singaporean: must I start to be abit more selfish, so that i wont be made used of everytime something happen? Somehow I'm kinda sick of seeing my goodwill pair of helping hands becoming another's tools of convenience;

then again, is it really alright to really just smile for myself?

Setting this aside, one incident really broke my heart 2 weeks ago. Apparently a normal visit to an old folks' recuperative (is there such a word?) hospital turned out to be a nightmare: my grandfather's sister (which in other words my grand.... aunt?), whom grandson was my pri5 classmate was abandoned there after a serious bout of illness. Increasingly senile, she still thought that her sons (quite a few i heard) are so busy she dont mind going there to stay, maybe for long? But the one thing that shattered our (my mom n her 2 sisters, my bro n me) hearts is the way grandaunt thanked us. There wasnt really much words to describe a depressed scene like this; it seemed as though she knew her children abandoned her but she tried to be strong and thanked us for coming, adding that we need not visit her specially. To see a poor hagard old lady, a far cry from my memories, doing that, it's just not right, damnit!

//Brandon struck at 12:22 PM\\

Sunday, April 06, 2008

this is the bleach opening no.7, very beautiful jap song.. though dont really understand it but the english translation (if trustable) is really really nice, especially for u who i think wont be coming in here anymore... here's the link to this song: http://www.jpopasia.com/play/3851/aqua-timez/alones.html

Japanese version:
Oreta awai tsubasa
Kimi wa sukoshi
Aosugiru sora ni tsukareta dake sa
Mou dareka no tame janakute
Jibun no tame ni waratte ii yo

I.Izen to shite shinobiyoru kodoku
Uchigawa ni tomoru rousoku
Nigiwau ba ni gouka na shanderia to wa
urahara ni
Tarinai kotoba no
Kubomi o nani de umetara ii n’ darou
Mou wakaranai yo
Semete yume no naka de
Jiyuu ni oyogetara anna sora mo iranai no ni
Kinou made no koto wo
Nuritsubusa nakute mo asu ni mukaeru no ni

Chorus:
Oreta awai tsubasa
Kimi wa sukoshi
Aosugiru sora ni tsukareta dake sa
Mou dareka no tame ja nakute
Jibun no tame ni waratte ii yo

Translated sentence for sentence
Your folded pale wings
are just a little tired from the overly blue sky
You don’t have to force your smile for anyone else
It’s alright to smile only for yourself

Loneliness continues to creep up on me,
a candle alight on the inside
Such a gorgeous chandelier
shouldn’t be at a crowded party, like this one
Why should I bury it all
in the emptiness of words that are lacking?
I don’t know anymore

As long as we can swim freely in our dreams,
we don’t need the sky anymore
Even if I can’t paint over everything
that happened up until yesterday,
I’ll still come out to meet you tomorrow

Your folded pale wings
are just a little tired from the overly blue sky
You don’t have to force your smile for anyone else
It’s alright to smile only for yourself

//Brandon struck at 4:24 PM\\

Saturday, April 05, 2008

hatred...

but i'm feeling the freedom from the oppressive grasp

man, i'm so glad things turned out this way, if not i would still be suffering now

begone

//Brandon struck at 11:58 AM\\