//...strike!...\\

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Last night i reached home so drained, I slept from 830pm to around 11+pm.. Overshot my intended time by 1 hour, oh wells so tried my best to mug, maybe do some tutorials or some reading up but brain just still in half-asleep mode, so after awhile at 1am fell back to bed again..

And woke up at 1030am! Like wow lol that's almost 12hours of sleep within a 14 hour timespan.. But i saw it coming already, it had been a hectic 2 weeks of school, project assignments tutorials in an endless cycle.. It dont come as a surprise that during such hard times people would start questioning themselves about their choices; whether they have made a right move in choosing the current degree or even the decision to undertake university studies. I too asked myself that question plenty of times...

From a third party's view it was a pretty nonsensical decision; i am more inclined towards science, more specifically chemistry and maths.. So what am i doing in computer engineering? For some parts maybe it was sort of a dumping ground since biz accounts and science rejected me, but for most part i have this inner desire to have a go at the IT industry when i come out of uni, whether with a 1st upper or 2nd lower degree.. Something inside me desires to take up a huge risk to venture upon unexplored grounds rather than to bask in green grasses of my own comfort zone... True i may have zero experience in anything about programming, and i'm rather well-known for being a ultra slow learner, this degree which will takes more than 4 years to attain will be a hard route to take..

But i guess that it will be this hardship that i will learn and take away the most from it, we humans will only learn and grow through undergoing trials and tests; and we will be stronger at the end of the road, physically and mentally..

Hang on there, gambatte, 加油！i say repeat it in so many different languages, but most importantly everyone must put these words into actions... Life will no doubt be tough, but enjoyable if we go through it with family and friends that we love and trust..

keep on running..

i'm less than halfway through this dark period that continues to haunt,

true enough the double losses 2 years ago to me it still taunts.

everyday i ask myself if i have the strength to carry on running,

sieving through the dark thoughts whose words i perceive as ruthlessly cunning.

but deep down i know that in a journey ahead that seems so daunting,

i will not be alone walking, running...

in my skin i'm crawling..

Crawling - Linkin Park

Discomfort endlessly
Has pulled itself upon me
Distracting, reacting
Against my will
I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting
How I can't seem...

To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence,)
(I'm convinced that there's just)
(Too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure

Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

//Brandon struck at 12:22 PM\\

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

First time waited 30+mins for a freaking bus in NUS, and its with jamin :S tsk tsk u brought me bad luck la jam hahah... joking joking..

I proceeded to miss my designated landing point by 1 stop through falling asleep and when i wanted to get off asap, the bus took a 15minutes detour cos of road closure ahead =_=

Then when i thinking of taking cab after i got off the bus, my night got worse when i waited 5 MINS for a freaking traffic light red man to turn green after pressing the button =_=

Almost resigned to taking cab home, bus 90 came rolling by and while contemplating whether to take a gamble, i thought, "Why not?"

Then the night took a major U-turn as the also-detoured bus 90 allowed me to alight at potong pasir mrt for a smooth straight bus ride home..

Like wow, how did i end up in potong pasir mrt in sucha weird manner? But the whole journey took 2 hours, starting from the time i left the lounge with jamin.. However (damn, qet...) sometimes small incidents like these are quite worth the effort to ponder through and digest some food for thought (damn, mno...)

Lesson #1: Life sometimes just dont go your way..

I didnt expect to wait freaking 30mins for a damn bus ( and i didnt expect to wait with someone like jamin HAHAH joking lah...), i didnt realise i could have overslept and missed by such a huge margin, i didnt think i'm that 'lucky' to encounter a huge detour that costed me 15mins of my time wondering what the heck had juz happened..

But really though it sounded very 'duh' kind of statement, or should i say BOOMZ, most of the time we alway dont expect, dont realise and dont think that things can go wrong.. As murphy's law state, things that can go wrong will go wrong.. Depending on how optimistc u are, stuffs that happen outside ur expectation can either make ur life more interesting, or more stressful on the other hand.. More importantly is really more about how we tackle it and whether we have the courage to face it head-on..

Lesson #2: Just when u thought that ur situation couldnt get any worse, it did

Remember in my short story my situation got worse 3 times, each time giving more impact on me than the previous, until i was actually quite turned off and decided to take cab as a quick one-off solution but a choice with a heavier opportunity cost (damn, econs!).. Also quite a 'duh' statement, but its worth thinking about the amount of times this situation happened in our lives so far.. Some are minor, like for eg slipping down on a pavement, then realised ur iphone is smashed as a result, and while u angrily thinking of where to send ur iphone for repairs u got robbed so cleanly u only got a spoilt damn iphone left... others are more serious; i had a personal encounter which i guess i'll leave it to the other day.. But really, can we do anything about it?

Lesson #3: When situations get so bad u feel demoralised, along comes a hope and a guiding light to the rescue

The story had a rather weird hero: a damn bus (damn, why am i using so many damns? damn... i think i'm pretty tired now) initially i thought of a quick one-off solution to settle the stuffs, but luck came in a form of the bus, which i sort of gambled cos the bus came before the taxi anyway, and somehow its detoured route brings me to potong pasir mrt.. Pure luck really comes when my 142 bus arrived after i crossed the road opposite lol...

Many times when things start to get really low and we find ourselves just soley wishing that things can get better; sometimes we pray for a miracle that never comes.. If i still remember a quote from reading a book, the source of miracles comes from nowhere else but the human heart.. If i had succumbed to frustrations, i would most probably be waiting for a taxi and give the bus 90 a miss, potentially giving up a chance to save up to 8 bucks.. Even in times of despair, human hearts should never waiver and give in to whatever the situation leads; in fact it is precisely these situations that give us a training scenario to be a stronger, better person.. To learn from mistakes and carry on moving forward, shouldnt that be one of our aims in life?

keep on running, cos the nike huamn race is this saturday and i undertrained as expected =_=

//Brandon struck at 11:05 PM\\

Monday, October 12, 2009

temporarily change my blogskins as the previous one was problematic...

anyway i really havta apologise; today is one of the rare days i lost control... maybe is the results, maybe its october, maybe my hair looked vv vv vv vv bad, maybe i'm just tired, i dont know.. but what i know is i shouldnt reduce myself into a whinebag because of such trivial problems..

time to sober up from all the rude awakenings, it's time for war..

Onward n upward!

//Brandon struck at 7:24 PM\\

Friday, October 09, 2009

怪不得心有时会痛，已经是十月了。。

就这样，两年就过了。。

是否比以前快乐，可能吧。。两年前的我，跟现在的我多多少少应该差很多吧。。

本人生中最黑暗的时刻，就是两年前的这段时间。我当然不会在这部落格重复所有的回忆；反而我倒认为人吗，偶尔的回想过去虽然有点痛苦，但是却能让我们记得在那黑暗的时刻我们对自己的灵魂所许下的承诺：发誓要变得更坚强，发誓不要再让历史重演，发誓不会让你身边的亲人与朋友难过，发誓不要再犯下同样的错误。

可能在这时段，情绪难免会有点受影响。。时间始终还是弥补不了心所受到的创伤。。或许我一辈子都会是这样子，但是我很清楚：心灵里的空虚，无人能了解；但我们的生活不能是空的，虚伪的。。要在这空洞里找出那力量，就是要为亲人、爱人、朋友好好地活下去。。

请不要分了以后还记得亲吻过的承诺
你的永久已不属于
我默默低头那时我很多话哽在喉咙
你的笑你的快乐或许我爱太多想太多
我能感受他比我适合
爱放了手我伪装冷漠比你先说分手

请原谅我原谅我不成熟
不爱你是藉口好让你离开我
请原谅我好想自私将你占有
你的寂寞就给我承受换你过更好的

生活

//Brandon struck at 10:48 PM\\