The Stormwatcher
Age - 20 going 21
SIAN LAH
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Strike Zones
[[Storm Center]]
Other Stormwatchers
Cher-lia(Dipsy)
Darryl
Dawn
Derek
Edmund
Elton
Eric
Eugene
Fidelis
Gerwyn
GhimKui
Ian
Jack
Jamin
JeremyTay
Jia Cai
Jinyan
Jingmei
Joanne
Kaihim
KahLok
Keefe
Kenny
Kevin
Kura
Lawrence
Tianwen
Wenjin
Warnings
Credits
Take a look at this & other blog designs @ Blogskins.c om
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Please do not delete this section...or lightning will strike you! =P
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
But in the End
no matter how much I pretend,
the journey is more important
than the end and the start....
And what it meant to me will
eventually be a memory of time
when I've tried so hard....
sometimes the results of your A'levels isn't turning out to be the most important aim in these 2 years of JC life, friends are... I'm not sure where's my confidence and courage... I'm certain that I would be the only one fighting the demons within my soul, and it will not be an easy one....
I can't feel the way I did before,
don't turn your back on me 'cause
I WON'T BE IGNORED!!!
no matter how much I pretend,
the journey is more important
than the end and the start....
And what it meant to me will
eventually be a memory of time
when I've tried so hard....
sometimes the results of your A'levels isn't turning out to be the most important aim in these 2 years of JC life, friends are... I'm not sure where's my confidence and courage... I'm certain that I would be the only one fighting the demons within my soul, and it will not be an easy one....
I can't feel the way I did before,
don't turn your back on me 'cause
I WON'T BE IGNORED!!!
//Brandon struck at
10:16 AM\\
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Next week.... GP paper and Chinese AO, oh no how to study for them... Not really started mugging man, since I guess after so many happenings around these few months I don't really have the right mindset to start my revisions on 6 subjects *groans*
Seems like I've lost my inner confidence and the calm peace in my mind... Not that I always appear to be a very confident person in front of my classmates, but I used to have the I-know-I-can-do-it mindset as my confidence's backing, and my trusty peace in mind allows me to concentrate fully in whatever I'm doing. However lately I just can't seem to find these two buddies of mine. I lose my focus as easy as ABC123. I now have a I-cant-do-it-and-I-wont-make-it mindset. Oh No Where are they? Where are they when I need them in this critical point of this year? I think exsupt might want to encourage me to talk to close friends like the SJ officers if I have any problem, it was a very heartening advice, thanks... But what will people think if I suddenly go towards them and say, "Hey, I've got a problem: I've lost my confidence..." ? Imagine one day in school when I suddenly walk up to my classmate, say Jamin or Benjamin or Fey Mun.... It would be a comical yet awkward sight, I think...
Maybe... I don't know, but when people ask me what's with me folding straw stars in cafe I would just reply, "For fun, lah..." I don't really know the reason myself. I learnt the way to fold from Derek, and I'm now like him, folding a star on every 2 or more straws I can get my hands on.... Maybe the straw stars are made to heal the damage within my soul, the damage caused by a virus called MiS-sU v1.5... Oh well for the promos...
Seems like I've lost my inner confidence and the calm peace in my mind... Not that I always appear to be a very confident person in front of my classmates, but I used to have the I-know-I-can-do-it mindset as my confidence's backing, and my trusty peace in mind allows me to concentrate fully in whatever I'm doing. However lately I just can't seem to find these two buddies of mine. I lose my focus as easy as ABC123. I now have a I-cant-do-it-and-I-wont-make-it mindset. Oh No Where are they? Where are they when I need them in this critical point of this year? I think exsupt might want to encourage me to talk to close friends like the SJ officers if I have any problem, it was a very heartening advice, thanks... But what will people think if I suddenly go towards them and say, "Hey, I've got a problem: I've lost my confidence..." ? Imagine one day in school when I suddenly walk up to my classmate, say Jamin or Benjamin or Fey Mun.... It would be a comical yet awkward sight, I think...
Maybe... I don't know, but when people ask me what's with me folding straw stars in cafe I would just reply, "For fun, lah..." I don't really know the reason myself. I learnt the way to fold from Derek, and I'm now like him, folding a star on every 2 or more straws I can get my hands on.... Maybe the straw stars are made to heal the damage within my soul, the damage caused by a virus called MiS-sU v1.5... Oh well for the promos...
//Brandon struck at
10:49 AM\\
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Ever since my dad started placing pandan leaves in my bedroom, susposedly to let my room smell more 'fragrant', alot of strange unexpected insects started settling down right here. A couple of months ago I discovered lots of ants, tiny winy black dots scurrying around the floor, walls and even my study table. I wondered what attracted them and my first thought was the leaves, but I didn't remove them, instead using my trusty tissue paper to squeeze the lives out of those pests. I'm more worried that they will start invading my favourite hangout -my bed- and give me a hell lot of itch...
Fallen sick yesterday, got flu and returned home after suffering a few hours at school. And today I woke up not feeling any better. After breakfast and medicine, I felt extremely drowsy, even though I slept about 8 hours. As I strolled back to my room, something told me to look at my ceiling. I obeyed and looked up. "WHOAH!!!" was the first word to come out of my mouth. Up there on my ceiling are numerous black dots, and they aren't tiny winy too. I guessed that the ants somehow made a living out of my barren room, and I remembered adding some toxic anti-ant stuffs around my room. How did they grow so fast? I took a stool and had a closer look at the black dots.
What appeared in front of me was a huge and unexpected surprise. Praying mantis!! Juvenile ones! Wow! How did they end up in my room?! I started counting. 10 of them, spreaded out on my ceiling like some kind of war formation. No wonder the ants in my room were disappearing; I could hardly see one now. Is it some kind of signs? Don't know, don't care, I've watched enough Discovery Channel shows to know that praying mantises aren't insects that you can fool around with. Suddenly I realised something before I started squeezing them. They must have emerged from their eggs in my room, since I don't see any adult mantises around (thankfully).... It's my responsibility to ensure their future is somewhat secure. And they reminded me of my favourite Pokemon, Scyther. *lol* Momentarily my drowsiness was gone and I started collecting them, after my dad came in and killed some. I collected about 5 and went out of my house, releasing them on my bonsais. Although my room has everything: a perfect terrain (ultra untidiness), food (ants), hiding places (numerous holes at the wirings, air con etc...), it would be best that they are in an environment that is closest to nature. I can't collect ALL of them and transport them to Sungei Buloh or MacRitchie; they will be long gone to the afterlife.
Okay, so I released them outside, I went back to the room to clear the pandan leaves. I noticed a peculiar structure at one of the wiltering leaf. It was an egg sac, apparently of a mantis'. I cleared it and started cleaning up. "Whoah!" I discovered more juveniles as they emerged from their hiding places. After a 30 minutes frenzy collecting and releasing of the praying mantises, I counted about 13 of them, and there are still many left in my room. Right now when I'm typing this entry, I had already noticed another 3 scurrying around; one on my desk, another waiting in ambush at the air-con and the last (hopefully) on top of the door. Just caught one in a used ziploc for a medicine, I think I'm releasing it outside later. Hey another one! Just tossed it out of my window, hoping it will land on some tree and grow into a strong adult praying mantis, whacking the hell out of the stupid mosquitoes.
I guess this is my only way of saying thanks to them for clearing up the ants. Hmmm should I leave 2 behind to exterminate the ants once and for all? Ok so the one on the aircon is on the ceiling now... Now I can only cross my fingers and hope they won't land on my body when I'm sleeping and attack me -_- I think there are many more out there around my room, seems like I have to be patient to collect them and then release them.
Isn't life just like this? Our parents are responsible for bringing us to this world; they always try their best to secure a future for us by giving us the best education they can afford, providing all the necessities we need to have a memorable childhood and teenager years. However we will forever react just like these juvenile praying mantises, running away and escaping from my effort to release them to nature, their home. We will even attempt to hurt our parents physically or emotionally, just like how some of these babies tried scratching me with their claws.
Maybe I should go do my EoM now :)
Fallen sick yesterday, got flu and returned home after suffering a few hours at school. And today I woke up not feeling any better. After breakfast and medicine, I felt extremely drowsy, even though I slept about 8 hours. As I strolled back to my room, something told me to look at my ceiling. I obeyed and looked up. "WHOAH!!!" was the first word to come out of my mouth. Up there on my ceiling are numerous black dots, and they aren't tiny winy too. I guessed that the ants somehow made a living out of my barren room, and I remembered adding some toxic anti-ant stuffs around my room. How did they grow so fast? I took a stool and had a closer look at the black dots.
What appeared in front of me was a huge and unexpected surprise. Praying mantis!! Juvenile ones! Wow! How did they end up in my room?! I started counting. 10 of them, spreaded out on my ceiling like some kind of war formation. No wonder the ants in my room were disappearing; I could hardly see one now. Is it some kind of signs? Don't know, don't care, I've watched enough Discovery Channel shows to know that praying mantises aren't insects that you can fool around with. Suddenly I realised something before I started squeezing them. They must have emerged from their eggs in my room, since I don't see any adult mantises around (thankfully).... It's my responsibility to ensure their future is somewhat secure. And they reminded me of my favourite Pokemon, Scyther. *lol* Momentarily my drowsiness was gone and I started collecting them, after my dad came in and killed some. I collected about 5 and went out of my house, releasing them on my bonsais. Although my room has everything: a perfect terrain (ultra untidiness), food (ants), hiding places (numerous holes at the wirings, air con etc...), it would be best that they are in an environment that is closest to nature. I can't collect ALL of them and transport them to Sungei Buloh or MacRitchie; they will be long gone to the afterlife.
Okay, so I released them outside, I went back to the room to clear the pandan leaves. I noticed a peculiar structure at one of the wiltering leaf. It was an egg sac, apparently of a mantis'. I cleared it and started cleaning up. "Whoah!" I discovered more juveniles as they emerged from their hiding places. After a 30 minutes frenzy collecting and releasing of the praying mantises, I counted about 13 of them, and there are still many left in my room. Right now when I'm typing this entry, I had already noticed another 3 scurrying around; one on my desk, another waiting in ambush at the air-con and the last (hopefully) on top of the door. Just caught one in a used ziploc for a medicine, I think I'm releasing it outside later. Hey another one! Just tossed it out of my window, hoping it will land on some tree and grow into a strong adult praying mantis, whacking the hell out of the stupid mosquitoes.
I guess this is my only way of saying thanks to them for clearing up the ants. Hmmm should I leave 2 behind to exterminate the ants once and for all? Ok so the one on the aircon is on the ceiling now... Now I can only cross my fingers and hope they won't land on my body when I'm sleeping and attack me -_- I think there are many more out there around my room, seems like I have to be patient to collect them and then release them.
Isn't life just like this? Our parents are responsible for bringing us to this world; they always try their best to secure a future for us by giving us the best education they can afford, providing all the necessities we need to have a memorable childhood and teenager years. However we will forever react just like these juvenile praying mantises, running away and escaping from my effort to release them to nature, their home. We will even attempt to hurt our parents physically or emotionally, just like how some of these babies tried scratching me with their claws.
Maybe I should go do my EoM now :)
//Brandon struck at
7:35 AM\\
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Man...
played LAN on Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday
I think I'm going mad
Am I playing on Monday then?
Argh who cares about Dota!!!
It may have been a torrid 4 days when my
Family underwent a great test of relationship
After today's victorous outing in Dota
Thanks to Ian :-P
I thought it was a good omen
Until I reach home to realise everything
Isn't that okay....
I prayed silently that nothing happened while I'm away
very very very silently and sincerely...
Man Utd drew with Man City, damn
But if that's the answer to my prayers
I would be glad to exchange a Man Utd victory for
PEACE IN MY FAMILY !!!
"It may have been the worst possible start to Operation Muggin'; it may have been very emotional draining for the past week; it may have been very mentally demanding with all the studies, Dota, darn Project Work.... But at the end of the day, I swear to whoever's up there watching over me that....
played LAN on Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday
I think I'm going mad
Am I playing on Monday then?
Argh who cares about Dota!!!
It may have been a torrid 4 days when my
Family underwent a great test of relationship
After today's victorous outing in Dota
Thanks to Ian :-P
I thought it was a good omen
Until I reach home to realise everything
Isn't that okay....
I prayed silently that nothing happened while I'm away
very very very silently and sincerely...
Man Utd drew with Man City, damn
But if that's the answer to my prayers
I would be glad to exchange a Man Utd victory for
PEACE IN MY FAMILY !!!
"It may have been the worst possible start to Operation Muggin'; it may have been very emotional draining for the past week; it may have been very mentally demanding with all the studies, Dota, darn Project Work.... But at the end of the day, I swear to whoever's up there watching over me that....
****I SHALL NOT FALL****
(Before I end, let's have a silent moment to remember the heroes and innocent people who perished in the 911 incident, God Bless Their Souls, Amen.....
//Brandon struck at
3:15 PM\\
Thursday, September 08, 2005
It's not that i want to announce my plight to the whole world just to gain pity or sympathy or what... I just don't know what to do now, after hearing my mum and brother discussing the financial status of my family.... I want to find something that i can pour out all my troubling thoughts here, but i don't mind if i'm being viewed as a damn ****ing sympathy seeker, i couldn't care less now.........
i knew it was coming, but in reality i'm just running away, don't want to face it... as i expected, the cracks are finally appearing in my family after a somehow peaceful and calm period of time when nothing happened.... my dad, i think, he's suffering from depression... i thought i could have saw it coming, i mean having him spending virtually the whole day alone in our flat doing nothing but housework, watch TV, occasionally cycling along the same route again and again? And it doesn't help that my schedule is packed like sardine and my brother is transferred into a new camp, which is very inconvenient for us to fetch and have dinner together... Recently my family (excluding me, i was at AGI) went shopping for a new mattress and as usual, we over-shot our budget... We came home with a home sound theatre system, 1 new cabinet for shoes and a new mattress.... Just a few moments ago when i thought i can end tonight in the sweetest way possible, i ended up in the middle of the financial meeting and finally realised how heavy our expenditure is.... To me it's like as though i have a company manager with hefty salary as a dad, but reality struck me hard... My mom IS the breadwinner, working as a clerk in NTUC Income... Both of them are sighing over the heavy expenditure we estimated, n usually estimation is well below the actual one....
Actually i resemble my dad the most. Both of us have high pride (his higher, mine not so high), often endure pains and sufferings silently... I can still remember when I'm sec2, i was impatiently and foolishly waiting to go to my friend's house, but he had a severe stomachache... On seeing my disappointment, he rest aside his pain and sent me all the way to Hougang, enduring it and enduring it.... Not longer after he left me at the destination, 2 hours later my mom called, he's hospitalised... Later i found out he had a hole at his large intestine, which is the source of intense pain... I really regret up to this day, my behaviour and my bochupness.... The next few years saw his health getting worse and worse, until he had cancer... But the most ****ed up thing is, my WHOLE family never ever told me the real situation... I only know my dad is sick, unable to work, fullstop. ARRRGGGHH!!!!
Now he is on a spending frenzy, spending on 4Ds, food and surplus furnitures.... I don't know, but after watching so many serials i thought it's obvious it's depression... If i were him i would burst long ago.... Now my brother is calling for an emmergency family meeting tmw, my dad's pride will surely take a beating, especially with suspected depression.... I really hope everything will be fine tmw, nothing dramatic will happen... My vision of this screen kept blurring on and off, there's ticklish trails of water running down my face... I really.... Just don't know what to say, what to do... i wish i could help but how? i cant quit JC and work now, it would create more worries and troubles... I cant go to poly, too late... Help......
Looks like another sleeplesss night for me....
i knew it was coming, but in reality i'm just running away, don't want to face it... as i expected, the cracks are finally appearing in my family after a somehow peaceful and calm period of time when nothing happened.... my dad, i think, he's suffering from depression... i thought i could have saw it coming, i mean having him spending virtually the whole day alone in our flat doing nothing but housework, watch TV, occasionally cycling along the same route again and again? And it doesn't help that my schedule is packed like sardine and my brother is transferred into a new camp, which is very inconvenient for us to fetch and have dinner together... Recently my family (excluding me, i was at AGI) went shopping for a new mattress and as usual, we over-shot our budget... We came home with a home sound theatre system, 1 new cabinet for shoes and a new mattress.... Just a few moments ago when i thought i can end tonight in the sweetest way possible, i ended up in the middle of the financial meeting and finally realised how heavy our expenditure is.... To me it's like as though i have a company manager with hefty salary as a dad, but reality struck me hard... My mom IS the breadwinner, working as a clerk in NTUC Income... Both of them are sighing over the heavy expenditure we estimated, n usually estimation is well below the actual one....
Actually i resemble my dad the most. Both of us have high pride (his higher, mine not so high), often endure pains and sufferings silently... I can still remember when I'm sec2, i was impatiently and foolishly waiting to go to my friend's house, but he had a severe stomachache... On seeing my disappointment, he rest aside his pain and sent me all the way to Hougang, enduring it and enduring it.... Not longer after he left me at the destination, 2 hours later my mom called, he's hospitalised... Later i found out he had a hole at his large intestine, which is the source of intense pain... I really regret up to this day, my behaviour and my bochupness.... The next few years saw his health getting worse and worse, until he had cancer... But the most ****ed up thing is, my WHOLE family never ever told me the real situation... I only know my dad is sick, unable to work, fullstop. ARRRGGGHH!!!!
Now he is on a spending frenzy, spending on 4Ds, food and surplus furnitures.... I don't know, but after watching so many serials i thought it's obvious it's depression... If i were him i would burst long ago.... Now my brother is calling for an emmergency family meeting tmw, my dad's pride will surely take a beating, especially with suspected depression.... I really hope everything will be fine tmw, nothing dramatic will happen... My vision of this screen kept blurring on and off, there's ticklish trails of water running down my face... I really.... Just don't know what to say, what to do... i wish i could help but how? i cant quit JC and work now, it would create more worries and troubles... I cant go to poly, too late... Help......
Looks like another sleeplesss night for me....
//Brandon struck at
2:55 PM\\
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Win loh promos here already... Still typing broken english in this blog -_- man how am I going to pass my exams T.T Oh well still need to write the 1T37 overview as 'sequel' to my S72 overview... No mood man... Sorry weng don't think I would be writing it any sooner... But do you have a blog? Give me leh, put it down into the chatbox :-P Hee hee thanks thanks...
Just visited my primary 5 chinese teacher at Wednesday night o_O .... whoah p5 leh, isn't it incredible that we are still visiting her after 6 years? Not exactly 6 years lah, we have been visiting her over the past 3 years... Don't know what or how to describe, it was a pleasant 3hours well spent... Quite sad, 2 Marist teachers passed away inside 1 year, my teacher described her sadness over the death of her good friend... Oh well that's life *sigh* So funny loh, moved to bukit batok from cck, so far man... Spent a great deal of time on the journey home, but kept on talking about dota with Yandeng and in the process sort of ignoring Qitang :D lol no lah, just too engrossed in the world of dota and Warcraft...
Wah why now so tired?? After typing 2 paragraphs I'm struggling to keep my eyelids opened. Urgggghhhh *forcing it to open*.... Today susposed "Fitness welfare event", turned out just go to paradigm play pool for.... 3hours? Die man, promos in about 27 days and I haven't started my revisions yet *sigh* I have planned out what am I going to do for the next 1month or so....
1) Intenstive studying
2) Exercise during the weekends
3) Split my time wisely into studying, tuition, recreation, family and SJ
4) Try my best to abstain from any ultra addictive computer games like dota or CM5
Lol what a joke for #4.... wah just went to see the photos for the S72 moments... almost eyes wet wet, especially seeing the photo of Jason at the last one... omg i don't know how to describe but looking at the photos taken on that day will remain in my memory for a long time...............
Just visited my primary 5 chinese teacher at Wednesday night o_O .... whoah p5 leh, isn't it incredible that we are still visiting her after 6 years? Not exactly 6 years lah, we have been visiting her over the past 3 years... Don't know what or how to describe, it was a pleasant 3hours well spent... Quite sad, 2 Marist teachers passed away inside 1 year, my teacher described her sadness over the death of her good friend... Oh well that's life *sigh* So funny loh, moved to bukit batok from cck, so far man... Spent a great deal of time on the journey home, but kept on talking about dota with Yandeng and in the process sort of ignoring Qitang :D lol no lah, just too engrossed in the world of dota and Warcraft...
Wah why now so tired?? After typing 2 paragraphs I'm struggling to keep my eyelids opened. Urgggghhhh *forcing it to open*.... Today susposed "Fitness welfare event", turned out just go to paradigm play pool for.... 3hours? Die man, promos in about 27 days and I haven't started my revisions yet *sigh* I have planned out what am I going to do for the next 1month or so....
1) Intenstive studying
2) Exercise during the weekends
3) Split my time wisely into studying, tuition, recreation, family and SJ
4) Try my best to abstain from any ultra addictive computer games like dota or CM5
Lol what a joke for #4.... wah just went to see the photos for the S72 moments... almost eyes wet wet, especially seeing the photo of Jason at the last one... omg i don't know how to describe but looking at the photos taken on that day will remain in my memory for a long time...............
//Brandon struck at
11:20 AM\\