Friday, November 04, 2005
Who would have thought so many things happened after my previous post? It was a cramped mixture of both happiness and sadness, something that whirled in my head to the state when I felt I'm the only man in my own world. Don't feel like pouring everything out, even though this blog exists for me to vet everything out from the deepest thoughts, before I go mad and jump out of my 10th storey flat.
Life hasn't been much pretty good ever since my dad was hospitalised for a stem cell transplant programme. I had to do all the travelling around this small island, which wasn't any problem to me, but my mom had to nag and start worrying at every single thing I'm doing outside home. My brother vented all his anger at me by digging up all the past. My grandmother kept asking me to go her house for dinner, which wasn't a problem once or twice, but every single night for the whole week. Man, all these are making me feel as if I'm the most useless teenager in Singapore. Or maybe I really am 1 ....
I learnt something important from this ordeal, which is the much deserved care and concern I should give to my family. Before making any decisions I have to consider the impacts I'm creating to my battered family, simply because that's my responsibility as the youngest child in my family, and I'm already 17... ok 16 going to 17 whatever my birthday is on 29th Dec -_- I have to think of my actions so that it will create the least amount of worries that my mom would receive.
Just last night, I was grumbling how meaningless my life was during the Geylang Serai PD. Then later when I had an off-day when playing pool, TW taught something that was relevant to pool but in the same time diverting a bolt of thunder to my stupid brain. I remembered he said, " Plan your next step after playing this ball. " " You have to aim! No point doing the dry running of the shot, just aim and shoot. " When I reached much much later, I sat down and chided myself. What's my aim man?! Is it to enjoy myself at the expense of the care and concern I should show to my family? What's my next step? Am I going to stay put and keep complaining, refusing to even face the truth and move on with my life? I became enlightened overnight.
What right do I have to complain how meaningless my life is now? Right now, my mom only appears in 3 places: home, office, hospital. My brother? Staying in at army camp. I knew every single member of this battered family is facing stress, and no one is showing it on the face. I must be strong. I must be the pillar of this place where I called home, no matter how huge the odds may seem to be, I shall not fall.
Not everything went unsmoothly for me though, at least my promos results. It was wayy better than I've thought. EOY papers results ACDE, overall BCDD. Man was I glad, considering the troubles I'm facing and the efforts I've made to hide all those from everyone *whoops* ok so the secret is out, but so what? Nothing beats an enlightened . I'm starting to bond better with my class, although sometimes I wonder if they ever give a damn to me. I think the image I portrayed to S72 is 1 aloof and deep person. Ok I admit I'm deep, cos I don't understand myself at times :-/ but aloof isn't; just ask the T37 guys and girls. I remembered that time Xukun's birthday party and I had to rush to Anchorpoint to collect his cake. On my way I saw Serene (short one, oops) at the bus stop. Strangely not a word of 'hi' came out of my mouth. Although we did certainly know we were there but not a single word was exchanged. Man, what's wrong with me....
//Brandon struck at
5:17 AM\\