//...strike!...\\

Monday, November 14, 2005

Slept overnight at kevin's house because of a stupid course I have to attend near IBM, and I lazy to wake up early in the morning to travel all the wayy there, so might as well... I really did enjoy myself there, playing mahjong or DotA like there's no tomorrow. Comparing to my house, I felt inferiority. Everything there seemed relatively perfect to me, but of course the most perfect one has to be his new laptop. 1000000 times better than mine! Although ya my computer costs way less than what we normally get due to the fact that I have a 'wonderful' uncle (mother's sister's husband, don't know how to relate) who is a pro in computer stuffs, but... What's the use of having a desktop with only 224MB of RAM? I know I ought to feel lucky as some may not even own a computer and dream of having something like mine, but isn't desire for the better human nature too? Looking at all the newly released games that are ultra fun, having a laggy computer would means I either have to give it a miss or spend hard-earned money at LAN... Argh....

The future do indeed looks bleak. Not the world's, of course since it doesn't look just bleak but very dangerous as well. Right now my life consists of 4 components: family, friends, school, CCAs; that's the part that looks bleak. 2 demanding CCAs to cope with, I really don't know how to handle. SAJC Fitness Club is fun, but it's absorbing virtually all the free time this short holiday can offer. SJAB... well I think after spending 4 years there and still going, although lately I don't feel a sense of belonging, it has become a part of me, somewhat like a commitment I have to do. Luckily I don't have a girlfriend although yes I'm waiting for someone but I guess it's time to give up in times like this. And nope DotA isn't part of my life unless I can play at home. *lol*

I feel kinda weak. I love my family, but sometimes they are driving me crazy. I remember I was a very nosey child and asked about everything happening in home. They shut me up, 'cos I talked too much I think. Ok so I shut up. Now they complaining that I appeared too deep, too quiet and too mysterious. Isn't that what they wanted in the first place? Whenever I'm around at home, their actions would make me feel as if I am the most useless man ever produced; whenever I'm not around at home the sight of them being tired from chionging all the housework makes me feel as if I'm the most useless man ever produced. I admit I'm imcompetent, but that's partly due to the fact that they refuse to teach me anything with patience. I don't know, but I somehow notice the you-should-know-it-without-me-telling-you tone when they are talking to me, when I was geniunely don't know what to do. Sometimes I became very frustrated, I wanted to ask my parents, "If I'm that useless, why bring me to this world and suffer? Why? WHY?! YOU ******************************************* !!"

Life will not be as simple as before. The bottomline is that I have no choice but to carry on, 'cos giving up isn't an option and the only way to go through this period is to depend on myself, stay strong and making sacrifices is a necessary option, so I hope the Fitnees members would understand as well as the SJAB officers. God Bless

//Brandon struck at 2:16 PM\\