//...strike!...\\

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Yea yea I'm fast revering back to the ultra negative B-brandon loser-LiMing again, damn... Doesn't help when all the bloody subject tutors talk as if we take only that damn bloody subject. All talks about going home to revise constantly so that we can survive the big A, goddamnit... Not sure how to handle this man, especially with all the workload from both SJ and Fitness. Freak, i wouldn't mind spending time in St.John without getting any recognition; my loyalty lies there, not Fitness. I wouldn't exchange all the efforts and time I need to spend for the next 6 months on Fitness for a freaking testimonial which all but useless if I flunk my A's... Damn, getting more and more demoralised as each day passes...

Sometimes i do wonder what role i played in S72. At times i felt like nobody, others i felt welcomed by everyone. Maybe i really need to open up but man oh man, this year 2006 will be 1 hell of a struggle for me and i don't even know how to go about tackling it... Trying to get my fitness level back on track after months of inactiveness, but hell fuking Fitness has to eat up our time on working out by asking us to plan really useless stuffs.. Why did i end up in SA? Not that i'm regretting, but things can get better, won't they? Sigh...

What's the image i portray to everyone? Seems like alot though.. From shy to ultimate lameness, I have shown almost every faces known to mankind, yet i still doesn't possess an unique characteristic that i can be proud of.. I mean, some achievements maybe? I'm lousy in sports, even worse in fitness, sucked in socialising with my class, bad in finding old friends to catch up with old times, mediocre in academic (so what if i'm a 9-pointer?), easily addicted to bad habits such as laziness and addiction to games, so sucky in playing DotA cos everytime kena owned like shit and i still talked like a pro at school, an ugly appearance to start with phobia in swimming, very very very low determination... Man i sometime really feel like restarting this whole life..

Just like today's GP lesson for example, played a game that speaks of something like reincarnation.. I'm a free-thinker, but i do believe in stuffs like the afterlife and so on, so reincarnation isn't a strange unacceptable topic to me.. But if it really exist, man do i want to go through it and get a new life, maybe a better one.. Not that i didn't put in the efforts to improve myself, but time is always not by my side, or something out of sudden would come up and destroy everything.. Grrr argh wth is happening man? Guess i'm still overwhelmed by last year's misadventures and the challenges of the new year...

I'll still always put on a strong mask, to prevent anyone from seeing cracks...

//Brandon struck at 7:39 PM\\