//...strike!...\\

Monday, March 06, 2006

Hung up the banner today at the bridge, i must say i'm damn impressed and proud of the way it stands out and the reactions from the people. They looked as if they were hit by a few cranium bashers *haha* stunned man, stunned... I will jump down the bridge if no one join, i swear with my backside at stack...

Lousy intro, no link to title, zero marks in terms of GP... but hey hey hey, this is no GP manx, it's my Boulevard of Broken Dreamz right... In life everyone face negativity from all aspects of everything, everything that don't go their way spoils their mood, they not happy, sink into depression, what everything around them can go wrong, cocked up... But in reality, at the end of the day it's really really up to you to decide whether you will be affected by them. I mean, no persons' lives are as smooth as... tao huay? Obstacles are really part and parcel of life, sometimes you are on a roll, sometimes you tumble and lay flat on the ground, panting and groaning. You feel like giving up, the temptations are there, but should you really scumble to this kind of pressure? I was faced with yet another familiar situation on Sunday. Just the previous day i was told i'm a platoon officer because someone couldn't be around during the camp this coming friday, the next day i was told i'm not needed anymore, 'cos there are replacements....

My heart sank. The replacement being replaced, what a joke... I know i'm useless enough, but to that extent? Ouch, that feeling really sucked. Really hoped i have what it takes to make a difference in SJ, but sadly i spurred the opportunity at sec3 as an OIC. My friend proved to be a even more worthy man for the job although he was just a squad I/C, right now he commands the most respect and greatest influence in SJ right now, a role model for both cadets and officers. Am i jealous? Not really, i was just so impressed and subdued at the same time. Maybe in this damn life i will never make it big again, or so i thought....

But on the other hand, after giving some more thoughts it deserved, i realised the decision made quite sense. First i wasn't proven to be that competent enough to handle 2 sections of 10 men each, if i were him i would do that too. Second i cannot be on time to enter the camp at 4+pm 'cos JC got a recruitment drive on that day too; the constant chops and changes to the entitlement of PO will confuse the trainees and disrupt the flow of the camp. Maybe someone who is more committed will do a better job. Third now i'm just an officer under training department, so got nothing much to do anyway, the most free officer in camp, got any small things to do, off i go... I was so determined i will not be affected that i didn't reply to the sms to rebutt and accepted the decision. As long as the camp passed smoothly, i'm ok with any appointments...

At the end of this year i was required to hand up the CIP hours thingy and CCA records. Well don't feel like putting in SJ, even though it had always been flowing in my veins for the past 5 years or so, but my contribution was nothing but minimum given the role and responsibility i had and wasted. Maybe in their views i was just another bochup officer who is so screwed up he bounded to fail anything he do, maybe i was viewed as a faggot who stinks like a maggot... I've never felt so distant from the fellow officers when i went back on Sat. Derek and i wasn't talking like the past, the rest talked as if a wall was in between us, except for Audric who was still rattling away like a machine gun. I wish i can contribute more, but can anyone understand the situation i'm in right now? Or am i just using it as an excuse?

//Brandon struck at 8:51 PM\\