//...strike!...\\

Thursday, April 27, 2006

These few days, cannot be described man, 'cos no matter how many hours i have clocked in my sleep i still feel like a dead man the next morning. Doesnt help much that i lived just a pebble's throw away from school *HAHA*, wondered what's wrong with me though. I read up that sleepiness can be caused by stress, but frankly i havent feel the heat of studying yet, which IS a bad thing to start with... Hope my sleeping problems can be solved asap...

*stretch and stretch and stretch my lazy back*

Nothing to do right now, too sleepy to mug anyway, so blog loh... Oh ya our class people came in fourth in the champions' race, which started in the heats last week when we finished first, then the semis when we finished second to qualify for finals and then fourth. Man, even though no medals and mdm lee had to throw in some suaning words, which i didnt really hear it, i still think it was a job well done. Tsk, if only i'm good enough to take part and represent the class... Kudos to u all manx, kudos...

1 damn stupid mosquito landed on my thumb and stung me right below the nail when i'm waiting for bus 142 to go my grandma house after gym duty. Ever got a bite at the thumb there? The feeling sure is weird... Luckily the mosquito didnt get away scot-free, i flattened it with my fingers *evil laughters* anyway talking about bugs, today's morning showers sure drove lots of milipedes, and when i mean alot, i mean LOTS, uncountable. Then momo tried stepping on them, saying they were centipedes instead -_-" he toot lah, cant tell difference, dont the milipedes crawling around given a chance to live?

Today's long bus ride home from grandma's, i sort of reflect a little about my life, wondering and wondering. In case you wonder, wondering is my wonderful pastime, isnt that wonderful to have such wonderful wondering all day and night? *=P bleah* anywayi tried wondering. Then my blog came to my mind, so i went ahead and think about the 80 posts so far in my blog *this is my 81st, considered quite young and cute hor, like me HAHA no lah dont puke*

Starting few posts, very boliao, nothing worth mentioning, except 1 memorable one when Penang got hit by the tsunami 2 weeks after i left there. It's like, wow, how close can i be manx? After which it went dead for awhile when i went CJ and started again when my Saints life kicked off. Man, from that point of time until the start of this year was the most traumatising period of my life so far, 'cos everything that can possibly go wrong went haywired, seriously.Dont feel like repaeting here though, 'cos it's history... And who can forget the bombshell dropped on me at my birthday eve? The months of 2006 were quite ok, class bonded quite well, got some contacts with old friends, found some really close friends in class as well as fitness, got A2 for chinese *whew* until the day of release of PW results -_- and also the events that happened during that day, damn sad...

At the end of the day, what's my point? After going through much difficulties, i survived and carried on talking to this very good friend of mine. Friends came and consoled, urging me to push on, showering concerns, giving that much needed helping hand, saying that their problems arent comparable to mine etc etc. On my way home this truth suddenly struck me: everyone have their own problems. Problems arent subjective matters; it cannot be compared in terms of relative seriousness. YOU will be the one who determine how serious the problem is, how much it's going to affect you, whether you want to face it like a true human and tackle it or not, whether at times of darkness do you give up or press on.....

I've chose to face it...

I've chose to maintain a strong front....

I've chose to tackle it....

I swear on my backside i will never give up the fight

LOL

//Brandon struck at 9:18 PM\\

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

finally the time of all my postings are right after some minor adjustments, so no more date and time as my headings (ooooh shucks that means i have to squeeze my brain juices out for some interesting titles, oh no....) hmmm ok today's title is *drumrooll* "Event(-ful or -less) Day"

started the day by hardly able to crawl out of bed. U know, it's like "cannot be lah!!" Sleep from 11 to 7 and still feel like i just completed 3 midnight studies in a row, that had to be the mystery of the year -_- oh well who ask me to live so near to school HAHA... Barely able to reach school before the 7.30 bell, got screamed by mr silas outside general office to start plucking my legs off the ground and run for assembly. I rather run for election... Potong pasir is the only stronghold of the PAP opposition, but this time round i think their 22-year reign is over, bye bye!! Hmm if i go be independent candidate sure got alot of people vote *pukes*

PE... also never do much, play soccer 'cos dont want do napf, conframe (conframe = confirm + stamp + chop passport) fail SBJ. Sigh, now pull up can do cannot do SBJ, running also not strong, gonecase sia... Anyway, mdm lee today not funny, so serious man, i mean mdm, no jokes at all. COme to think of it, very long never see mdm lee being lame in class. Then how come she always being so lame in other classes' tutorials and practicals ar? My 51 friend said once mdm lee told them about the methods of identifyin the organic compounds. "Ah for carboxylic acids and phenol ar, cannot use litmus paper hor, 'cos it is not a chemical test. And also ar, u dont put your finger into phenol ar and then say, 'Aiya, my finger got burnt, so it must be phenol' hor, right?" LAME LAH!!! But then never did that in our class, saddened sia... Hope she can be lamer this thursday practical.

Today got my fav physics teacher's lesson,so hilarious man his lessons. Either he pull some indirect jokes at us or weijing and marcel crack some stupid comments. Wah still can remember marcel's joke about imran, everyone laughed until like nobody business, especially the one beside me, kao still laughing when everyone had cooled down, lolx.... Then he dropped a bomb and said i hasnt shown my full potential in physics. (!!O_O!!) huh since when i got potential? i thought i kena the marist jinx when majority of us hated physics 'cos the teachers always fail us with A'level questions in our common tests and prelims... I still dont really like physics though, sometimes i couldnt understand the concepts at all, and everytime mr lee says, " this chapter, the tutorial is obsencely simple." i will always silently groan, 'cos it always appear so difficult in front of me... Maybe i does have some potential, i guess the only way to find out is to work hard and see the results then... WTH

//Brandon struck at 4:56 PM\\

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Thanks alot elton and yandeng, really missed out in alot of time and communication, catch up with ya soon!! YD dropped a call when i was in harbourfront. Really long time never see or talk liaox, it was quite heartwarming chatting with him. Was initially quite glad to hear that he got some products frm the company that can help out my dad abit but after consultin with my mom i dont think it's workable anymore, hope you understand manx dude... I had never knew much about the treatment programme he's currently undergoing, but i guess it's quite a painful affair and as a son i could only stand by helpless at everyone going on and on... I guess mom has her reasons not to fill me in with the details and i have to respect her decision, right? main priority now is to be a typical study machine, whose only hobby is not cupping but mugging...

sometimes i only wished i can the one giving a helping hand or a shoulder for those in need instead of the one needing it, but i guess that's fate... Sorry for not telling you guys, Yd and el in particular 'cos i realised everyone will have their own problems, no point troubling you all with these unneeded stuffs... just drop by here often!! since you all dont have boliao blogs like me... Hope to cya soon, maybe on teacher's day when we go bukit panjang again.....

蜗牛 - 周杰倫
该不该搁下重重的壳
寻找到底哪里有蓝天
随着轻轻的风轻轻的飘
历经的伤都不感觉疼

我要一步一步往上爬
等待阳光静静看着它的脸
小小的天有大大的梦想
重重的壳裹着轻轻的仰望
我要一步一步往上爬
在最高点乘着叶片往前飞
让风吹干流过的泪和汗
总有一天我有属于我的天。。。

i shall not fall....

//Brandon struck at 10:33 PM\\

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

I guess SAJC made it to the newspaper in the wrong way, announced to the whole world that we are the lousiest JC in terms of PW. I was asked to sign into the petition some days ago and i refused. Why? I believed that the school wont be so stupid as to need our reminder to ask them to set up a review committee and find out what's wrong with the PW results. Instead, yesterday chemistry lecture the two DPs came in and addressed us.

WHAT THE FCUK?? They havent even started the committee yet!! The excuse? No time.... Results on thursday, Good friday and the weekend was holidays for the teachers. BLOODY HELL!!!! IS IT A CRIME TO EVEN CALL FOR AN EMERGENCY MEETING AFTER SCHOOL ON THURSDAY??? FRIDAY IS HOLIDAY MAH!! CANNOT STAY BACK LONGER TO DISCUSS AND THEN FRIDAY REST FOR ALL YOU WANT????

But i guess based on SA style of doing things, ultimately they will blame everyone under the sun except themselves. Wanna bet? The review would be, "SAJC students of 05/06 were not diligent enough in their work, uncreative, did not follow the college's format, flunked their WR and OP...." BLOODY SHIT, HOW COME OTHER JCS CAN GET SO HIGH?!! Today's math lesson, *someone came in*, asked her why so lousy our results, answer? "We were told during the PW training that we should not show students the format of the model answer and ask them to come out with their own. Other JCs could have cheated and show them the format." Same here again, SA-style, shit at the floor and then blame the ass for not being able to control until it reaches the toilet bowl....

I'm not trying to say that SA should take total responsiblity, but the way they brushed the whole thing off is totally absurd manx.... If they dont care our results and instead enjoy some dumb holidays, who will? If they have the right to enjoy, does the students who were so disappointed in their grades given a chance not to grieve over their results throughout the long weekend??

//Brandon struck at 5:00 PM\\

Sunday, April 16, 2006

gotta move on now, i cant possibly stay where i'm now forever. Life still goes on, hard as it may be... i cant always be running away, right? i have to face it someday, some week, some year...

And it's gonna be THIS year, though dont know what day what week yet....

Let the battle begins!

//Brandon struck at 8:34 PM\\

Saturday, April 15, 2006

should be in mshs and look at the activity on SJAB but dont have the mood. The sudden demise of jo's father still stung me like a tight slap across my face. Ok we werent really close friends in school 'cos i not member of bitch club and i abit anti-social in class anyway but this event really forced me to think life the different way. It's like, c'mon i just saw her dad like not too long ago and now he's gone to the afterlife... Can you imagine the weird feeling i had when the class went down to the funeral yesterday? I kept quiet during the whole visit 'cos frankly i didnt know what to say. I seriously dont want to foresee my future but i cant help but to let my imagination run wild. After all, for so many times in my life things has always turned out the opposite way i wanted it to happen, i'm really discouraged and afraid of how dark the road is ahead of me. I can only wish i have more strength to do well in everything i wanted to do, be it studies, SJ, fitness, family, whatever... I can only hope for the best...

Now i sounded as if i'm sucking sympathy votes.... damnit....

//Brandon struck at 11:33 AM\\

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Decided to turn Christian for just a day...

I asked God today why He has to torment every aspect of my life.

All i want

is a simple life

peaceful

smooth

all my family members are living happily

all my friends are living happily

But why? why? why?

Isn't that simple enough?

Why must You test me again and again?

Why must You add so much so much sorrows to us?

Why must You take away closed ones from my friends?

Not once or twice,

but so so many times since i can remember this life

Have I done anything wrong?

Isn't what I wanted simple enough?

Today isn't really smooth. Kept a straight face but deep inside i'm crying out, asking anyone up there why why why and more why. It may be a hard time, but go Jo the whole class's behind you, always....

One more thing, congrats on Jinyan turning 18...

//Brandon struck at 5:05 PM\\

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Cant believe i'm talkin to my good friend straight after i strolled home from sch HAHA man i sound like a damn introvert. In case you dont know what's -ar, it's a mode u type in during dota to get RANDOM heroes. So implying today's post is super random, and yes not random darryl-style, MY style... it going to be super disorganised, whatever comes to my head i just put it in...

this cant work. I really dont understand what the heck that hospital is forcing my family to go through, hospitalising him after every single check-up and then discharged, and the cycle continues. WTF that's vv cheap of them to suck money like that!!! Yet again i'm home alone, having dinner all by myself again and worry myself about having uniforms to wear the next morning. THX AR SGH for all the things you have done to me, i cant thank you enough maybe i go burn down the whole institute. But on the other hand, so what i'm at home? i cant get anything right, no matter how much efforts i've put into settling the housework available no one will be happy in the end. All i get, no appreciations but complains, complains and more complains. Aiya this thing not done well, that thing not done well, stupid boy everything also dont know how to do it well. Lazy boy, come home abit earlier also can die ar? Play com never do this never do that still need me to ask you to do. OI 17 years old le leh! Still like that?

Yet i AM a 17 year old boy, i had to face all these shits when other people can have a happy family, helping out occasionally and then mug without any worries about this not done, that not done. Damn, i'm not trying to say that i'm godlike or what, but can i at least enjoy my 17th year abit more?? Dont even feel like talking in school though, everything's behind the mask, damn sian of the things, i wish i can put down all the responsibility binding me right now and be an irresponsible person.

Who to blame? Only myself, if only i can be of more use, if only i can be of more help, if only everything didnt happen, if only i didnt exist, if only i can take it more to my stride so that i wont be talking to my good friend now, if only....

kept telling myself that damn, u should stop seeking sympathy votes and win friends the right way. OK FINE right way... As if everyone do not have their own problems at home, so what the heck is wrong with me?! Negativity has taken over once again....

But on a positive note, i did 4 pull-ups! Increase from 0 on feb!!

BAck to negative note, i think i should quit playing soccer from now on, or at least a keeper. All the shots that went through my legs, you know how depressing is that? Adding on to my increasingly vulnerable wrist, sigh.....

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless,
lost under the surface....
I dont know what you are expecting of me
Put under the pressure
of walking n your shoes....

(why, WHY) Every step that I take is another mistake to you...

//Brandon struck at 4:56 PM\\

Saturday, April 08, 2006

finally the intensive 3 weekly night cycling trips are over, felt so relieved even though the response was worse than lukewarm. Damn tired yet again, forever twisting my internal clock upside down. Then went tuition with a half awake mind, i can tell you it is 1 hell of a mental torture, studying a tedious subject like the discrete random statistic. My oh my, why maths is getting so difficult nowadays?? Now updating this blog while my dad watching soccer and the rest laughing their asses out at a comedy now at channel U i think, yanwz feel like sleeping yet wanting to relax and play computer first...

Maybe short post bah, cannot open eyes... Oh ya and tmw i receiving my new specs, wonder how it turn out to be on my face lolx..... 8-)

//Brandon struck at 7:41 PM\\

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

After leaving quite a few cobwebs around here, yep i'm back with alot of significant events to blog about, or in jinyan's term, bitch about....

Hmm where should i start? Maybe from last saturday, during the debrief after the night cycling dry run. What a battle of tongues between ZC and Lim manx! Lim die die also stood stoutly by his principles, which admittedly is abit outdated and doesn't make sense, while ZC bulldozed his way to the top with a typical teenager's angst-filled emotion and rebellion, but at least it is logical *ok i'm biased*. Damn, i hate it whenever i see Lim losing the battle and kept quiet, staring to space and waiting for anyone to reinforce him. Ms Lee then stood up for him, in which keeping quiet became everyone's response. No matter what the fitness people said about Ms lee being fake or back-stabber or whatever shit, i hold her in very very very high regards, 'cos solely she is til now the most delicated TIC i've worked with so far. SFC got 4 teachers leh!! Yet lim had to stick to them almost all the time, only attaching to us in wrong moments and making us more dulan. Sports club only about 2 or 3, yet Ms lee put in so much so much efforts into fitness. See the difference?

Had not much memory of what happened on monday, just that the whole class seemed abit dead to me. Ok loh i also dead with them haha. Tuesday also not much to talk about, except that the guys go play lan after school at Paradiz. Actually wanted to go home mug chem phy gp maths *wth* and feeling very shagged from PE but in the end still went ahead with LAN. Returned home very tired but still managed to finish chem tutorial, whew...

I think today has the most things to blog about. I assure you, what people had an image of me will totally change after they (if they) finish reading this whole entry starting right now. Woke up quite late today, about 7:10am, i started to decide whether i should enter after 7:45am. After all, if i enter school between 7:30 to 7:45 i would get a DC, DC LEH!!! After 7:45 come school at most miss the first few periods of the day, so why not? Damn fcuked up right, this system? Doesn't make sense to me. Oh well, since when the events and decisions of SA ever make sense?! Mugged physics spa skill A at library with some guys, then went for chem tutorial. I can tell you, frankly today tutorial i think is quite wasted, mdm lee kept repeating about all the facts of life based on her personal experience. Except for her usual ultimate lame stuffs, nothing much to say also though. Which brings me to my next point, everytime hear weijing or johnny or marcel or imran talk about how they don't like mdm lee, i feel like coming up to her defence but nvm, friends what, why hurt feelings? But seriously, if she werent so dedicated to her job to a point where she lectured us like nobody's business, if she werent so concerned about our progress, if she were to give a i-dont-give-a-damn attitute, would they still like her? Maybe not i guess, mdm lee is another teacher i really admire, although some of the things she talked about that i would like to beg to differ. I mean, i really appreciate the efforts and spirits she put in to her job, which of course i can also name a few which i think give a heck about their jobs by the way they give lectures :-/

What i'm saying next will be controvesial stuffs, at least in SA. And yes, darryl if you are reading this, pls PLS prepare yourself. This is no personal attacks, just my genuine feelings and my helping hand as a friend to you but you cannot take it then nvm just click 'backspace' right now. As a friend it really irks me to see how the way it turned out in class, and you are one of our fellow guys *pls ar i not gay* i just really couldnt stand aside and see a tragedy waiting to unfold. After stumbling into your blog then i realise how worse the situation can become, manx. Really, seriuosly the only way i can offer my help is by telling, but you know i just cant bring myself to tell you face to face in front of everybody, nor can i send you an email which signals me as a hypocritical person. With every reader of this entry as my witnesses, i really wanna help, ya? Even though i'm in deep shit myself too, but i had to do something. There's no fire without smoke, isn't it? Actually we dont really hate you as a class, just that you dont seem to be yourself, always trying hard to get attention. My friend, we dont seek attention, we will ultimately get it somehow. You know, you reminds me so much about my past, man, when i was in a more harsh surrounding in MSHS primary. There i was humtumped so fiercely by my classmates, i was so traumatised i almost quit school. Had i did that, i wont be in SA now. It wont take a rocket scientist to realise that YOU YOURSELF ARE ULTIMATELY RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN ACTIONS. The way people treat you is a direct response of what image you portray to them. Fortunately you still can reverse the situation, if you are willing to read until so far and accpet my comments as a concerned friend. The only way is not to apologise to everyone in class, if i were to do that i would rather jump down the building, nonono just be more self-conscious about your actions and get a hold on yourself. Dont always aim to be a very zai person and trying too hard to leave a positive impression on everyone, 'cos it will always back-fire. Be humble, and sometimes being less vocal is a very nice thing to do indeed. Dont talk too much unnecessarily crap, 'cos too much will be a irritant. But of course, being crappy can win you alot of friends. But ultimately, be yourself, really.... of course since you have quite a number of close friends i guess confiding to them or to you blog shouldnt be any problem. Dont be lazy, blog often so that we all can catch up with time to know more about you.

Kevin you are not safe. YES YOU THESMAN haha... PLS ar i dont feel proud being stuck in a situation like this, that was my feeling after you tell me that you had a some'sing $600 exam and you are more stressed than me. Thanks ar you made me feel as if i became a Superman overnight 'cos of what happened to my family. Seriously stress is everyday's stuffs man, people complain and complain about the stress they face but they still press on with life. I'm not saying i'm the most stressed person in the world, which of course i'm not, but i can admittedly handle stress quite well. At least i dont really show cracks on my face. Precisely that's why this blog exist, so that to ensure i can carry on without breaking down in front of everyone, and then the headlines will show "Student plunged to his death at his home outside SAJC". If not, this blog is dead about a year ago because the only person who know how to log in and write entries is already up there :) As ben said earlier, middle-income people cant afford to get sick, 'cos leaches like the gahmen and SGH or whatever will jump in and suck the hell out of you. WTF

Wonder what will people think of me now. Maybe the first thing will be the 'narcissitic expression' term we learnt in GP. Or maybe the brandon they know suddenly became a hypocrite, a sucker bent on getting sympathy votes. Maybe i became the most unpopular person in SA after this entry is published. Just maybe.

//Brandon struck at 7:11 PM\\

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Just had night cycling on fri night to saturday morning. Maybe i should spare you all the details, just go check out benjam-in-chan's blog entry and you will know why... Super tiring and one thing i dont like about night cycling is that it turns the internal clock in your body upside down; sleepy in day and awake at night, then wake up late in the morning. Yawn...

Oh ya so many accidents happened on saturday morning during cycling. I got my first ever fall while cycling when my right handle hit a barricade and i took a instant tumble, some'sing like a forward roll or whatever you call it. Landed on my left wrist, quickly check to see if dislocated again. Luckily dont have, heng but still abit pain around the wrist. Then all the usual misbalance while cycling on narrow pavement where i somehow always end up cycling on the grassy area. Also this time round is my fastest speed in cycling so far, maybe i adjusted the left gear to harder. The climax of accidents happened near the end at ECP where we were having a mini race. Somehow Xukun and Zhengcai collided into each other and both suffered some superficial wounds. ZC worse, man, got abrasions to his face. Lol he kept asking about his face when i'm treating him, haha...

Urgh sian april's here, time pass really really way too fast, i havent accomplish so many things that i should by now, damn sad... Looks like i'm destined for PTP and average grades in the BTs and prelims -_- Huh my eyes are closing, but it's 12pm!! Oh ok whatever later i'm going to change my specs, what type should i have?

//Brandon struck at 12:01 PM\\