//...strike!...\\

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Today, i cried...

i've exceeded my expectations by clearing all my first 4 napfa stations. mr chay was doing sort of a napfa elimination thingy, such that when anyone of us did not get a D for any stations we will drop out. At the shuttle-run station, our last before 2.4km run, only 4 remained out of 8 who took the test... johnny was pushing me to get a 10.6s, jinyan encouraging me to get a silver since i've cleared with a ADDD, which is not bad considering i cant clear sbj for months...

Then i ran, 11.1s, i threw away the block in disgust. johnny came forward and gave me some tips on running. the other 3, feymun, punhon and marcel all cleared with an A. the pressure is on me to deliver, so that i would go to my final test in 2.4km. i ran, i stumbled, then i walked away. all looked at me in disbelief, 'cos i gave up so meekly. johnny continued to press me to try another time, jeremy too. mr chay also. suddenly i felt encouraged, i felt i could do it. for the third time, i ran. damningly i stumbled alot of times, and the timing was worse. i covered my eyes in disbelief and disappointment....

i slumped onto the ground with acute disappointment, as i saw him taking two blocks and asking johnny and jeremy how to run a proper shuttle run. he had failed the pull-up station and was out before the shuttle run. out of the blue memories of the past year came flooding back,

how we first joined fitness together and i got to know kevin

how we grumbled together about fitness

how he told everyone about my plight after family matters struck, so that everyone can understand and help me together

how we endured through the dry run and the actual camp

how he consoled me when i smsed him on my birthday eve that my dad had only three months to live

how we hanged out with each other almost every school day

how we could talk about almost anything under the sun

how we went through the whole tedious night cycling episode

how we always took turns to walk each other home, he to his aunt's house while me to my home

it was not her fault, damnit. but then again, when had he ever given me a chance to hear his explanation? i couldnt believe everything ended on the day when roland said to my mum how good friends we were on PTM day. or band concert day. for months we had been giving each other the cold shoulder, but no one just understand how i feel inside; it's so undescribable. it's like punhon ignoring johnny, it's like marcel ignoring weijing, it's like amanda ignoring clarrissa, it's like fidelis ignoring serene, it's like serene ignoring michelle, it's like michelle ignoring fidelis, it's like moses ignoring jeremy, it's like jinyan ignoring jamin, it's like joshua ignoring kevin, it's like bernice ignoring natalie... and the list goes on. the person i thought could have been the best buddy i could ever find in SAJC has turned out to be... just a false dawn. no one ever explain why things turn out like this. everyone ought to have noticed it, but no one step in to help us out, be it fitness, be it class S72, be it roland. maybe it was a wise move afterall...

after testing out, he walked away, totally oblivious to a crumpled me slumping at one corner. darryl came to sit with me for awhile and left, we did not exchange any words. i stared at him running with fm for a few rounds. acute disappointment and sorrow overwhelmed me, and i just stared down blankly at the ground. when jinyan johnny jamin and darryl came to me soon afterwards, tears were already flowing down uncontrollably.

they told me, "take it easy, try harder next time." i so wanted to reply,

"i've cried, not because i failed my shuttle run

i've cried, not because i was too stressed up

i've cried, not because i wanted to

i've cried, because i've lost a good friend..."

ps nat pls dont hate and curse him or what, i do not blame him at all...

//Brandon struck at 8:42 PM\\