//...strike!...\\

Sunday, September 03, 2006

1 week break.

should be 12 days' of break from prelims, which totally took the momentum out of me, *sigh* how to kick off the studying train whose engines are so difficult to fire up before the prelims? today i got the strangest dream i could had for the past few days; but the trouble is, i've forgotten the content of it :S i think it's about something that i had not done for a veryyyy long time: flaring up. i thought so since i woke up super annoyed by the vacuum cleaner. Wth, vacuum-cleaning the house so early in the morning (actually 10am but i watched the boring england match until 2am lah....) and i know i must carry on from where he left: mopping the whole house. *sigh*

but of course i'm used to it. i grew up being reprimanded for being stupid whenever i fall down, ever since i had sense in my head. i grew up expected to know everything about singapore's harsh society, without anyone actually teaching me how. i got conned, i got cheated, i was despised, i was hated, before i could really integrate into this country's schooling culture. By now i was battered, even accepting the fate that unfolds in front of me everyday. What can you expect from someone who grew up playing toys with himself all day at his grandma's house? i've wasted my childhood....

i dont know why i'm pouring out all these right here, seriously, maybe it's because of what happened few days back when my junior decided to take the plunge that i now sees life very very very differently. i look at myself, i dont know what am i proud of. Is it the 9 points? Is it being in S72? Is it being part of the '10-year marist alumni'? Is it SJ? Is it being in fitness? i look at my brother, his situation in his a'level year is so so so different from mine. At least he could stay at school to study until nightfall, since he can afford to skip dinner with my parents. At least he can go out and study during holidays, since there's nothing at home to worry since both my parents were working. At least he's not hooked to playing warcraft, since he need not be cooped at home to show his presence. At least.... i dont believe he could survive through the scenario i went through during JC, the feeling of being frowned upon by all closed one, the role of being the punching bag for everyone under the roof to vent their frustrations on, the sense of helplessness that he will never feel in his A'level year....

basket

it sure hurts to lose contact with a very good friend....

As mr roland lee replied to me on teacher's day, "thanks, study hard, relax. dont stress yourself with negative thoughts. just think happy, think of a rooney goal and you will be alright. i still believe you will do very well in your studies. it is just a matter of whether you believe in it too."

3 things i realise,

1) the last 2 sentences mean i did badly for paper 3
2) i got one more person not to let down
3) thinking of rooney's goal DOES make me feel happy LOLx

//Brandon struck at 9:46 PM\\