mr roland lee was so right, every students endured tramautising experiences once they entered JC not because of the sheer pressure but the coming of age. you just inevitably inherited so much responsibility that you got stunned and overwhelmed by the burst of expectations thrown at you...
yesterday was my stjohn big boss' wedding, met up with the sj people before the event. hardly surprising the distance was just too great, no more slapstick casual relaxed talking, i just couldnt connect with them smoothly. maybe it's due to the screwing up during the NCO-ship, or just maybe we have nothing to say anymore. except sandy n perhaps audric almost everyone was just waiting for each other to say something, or the next alternative is to become a professional statue. naturally and unsuprisingly i just felt being the odd one out. fast forward to the wedding, seeing how happy boss was and the rest of them who were intent on teasing him upside down, i had this unexplanable feeling. it was neither happiness or sorrow, joy or frown, it's just somewhere there... then boss, being high in liquor which is common in chinese wedding, kept on mentioning his brothers, or buddies and great bosom friends. i bet he was the happiest man last night, being happily married and sharing his joyness with all his buddies. i dont know when will i get to taste this feeling, or whether i would even able to get it, but i guess only time will tell...
reach home at around midnight, after some of them went off silently along the route i sat down on my bed, looking at the glass sovenier.. it showed a couple with the words "love can surprise us out of the blue and send us dancing". i thought it was really cool, since this is the FIRST INEDIBLE sovenier to mark the day in the calender. slept at one, after wondering alot about stuffs which i dont think i would want to put, lest people thought i'm being suicidal again... come today, totally subdued due to the lack of sleep and more than half of guys didnt turn up, i just couldnt really talk. so many things are running through my mind, and just 2 days to the end of JC school life i still feel being a stranger in my class. while the girls are happily discussing about where to go after the farewell assembly with 2 bitches, i mean, "bobby" n jeremy, i just sat down beside J and admired them. ugh, i mean, just kept quiet and listened. super subdued, i must say, my eyes are closing soon...
as for my friend, happy to see him going strong still, gogogo... it's tough, but not impossible, but tough; even though my dad suffered under the stem cell transferring which also involve chemo, even though my mum was convinced i did not care about the family, even though my bro was treating me as a punching bag... life still goes on, right? for every pw meeting i carried down the laptop from potong pasir to harbourfront to malan road and back again, for every fitness meeting i attended, despite all the hoohahs at home. i just need something to numb myself and keep me busy. after all he is a much stronger lad, mentally, than most of us, so why not? 20+ days to the big A, i believe he and the rest of the class will do well, despite all the happenings as well as the friction among us and the alieness.... jiayou man, everyone, 72 and fitness...
my wrist is hurting, why the sms replies arent coming, my head is spinning, the family stuffs are pressing, is my heart still beating
why cant life be as simple as studying and playing dota whole day long??
this will be the last update for a long time, maybe the next will come next month, or that i will nt be the author ;) cya soon blog, i will be right back...
//Brandon struck at
2:28 PM\\