//...strike!...\\

Sunday, September 30, 2007

with the return to jurong camp, came the sense of emptiness settling in within my soul...

the place is actually quite ok, except for the people there... everyone is hell-bent in making the lives of others difficult, it's some sort of man vs. man kind of things, not that i really care, only looking forward for my birthday this year, not before going through 3-4 exercises...

previously i pinned all the blame into jurong camp, but i came to my sense. the sense of emptiness, yet so familiar, came from within, not from the outside... i allowed it to settle in, causing all the, again, familiar thoughts returning to haunt... not that i can do anything about it.. everynight i lay on my bed, preparing to sleep, and suddenly i feel cold, the feeling of loneliness, as if i'm the only person left in this world... i try to think how many people actually knew i exist, and for a moment, it's a mental block... then my family came in, my buddies, all the ex-classmates over the years... only then i managed to fall asleep..

everyone is asking about me and her, my answer will always be 'i dont know'... that wasn't used to be my common answer, but when all the problems set in together, i ran out of the strength to stand firm for anyone to rely on... the sense of loneliness and helplessness just came back again and again, haunting me yet again and again...

last wkend i walked down to sgpools near my house, preparing to place a bet when i saw a very familiar face... it was my ex SAJC buddy that went through thick and thin throughout the whole jc period... yep it was ben, alright... yet my first instinct is to U-turn and move on to another sgpools further outside pp.. while walking an enormous sense of guilt envelopped me.. i mean, the crack is just too big to mend, i cant do anything else can i? but i really treasured the friendship back then, but things just arent the same anymore.. yet once more the sense of loneliness and helplessness just came back again and again, haunting me yet again and again...

whenever i go town areas, i see lots of couples.. and experiences lots of heartbreak when i do see... it became worse when my buddy qt started asking me how to woo his target, but then again i obliged; my usual self of mastering the art of masking... for a moment i forgot how to smile... the sense of loneliness and helplessness just came back again and again, haunting me yet again and again...

it's been a tough time so far, and the future didnt seem any better, so for the first light of optimism in this posting, i promise: i will be strong and soldier on...

//Brandon struck at 2:06 PM\\