//...strike!...\\

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Well i'm back, trying to get back to my usual lifestyle after so long, maybe since 2 months ago? These 2 weeks were really hell; no one can imagine seeing your dad's life slowly slipping away right in front of you for 4 hours, and you couldnt pretty much do any damn thing 'bout it.. In fact what i thought was that he was really gone by the 3rd hour, but well no point discussiing such things with my family right? There were so many grievances and errors in this whole episode, it's just heart-wrenching to explain and repeat again, isnt it? The sense of helplessness, the desire for the ground to open up and swallow you, the letharginess when the 2 weeks' worth of torture started to take its toll, the insensitiveness of relatives around you, my harsher version of the whole story, you know, its really no point now, really....

As the rebuilding of our shattered lives continues, i cant help but miss dad's singapore map in his brain. He always seemed to know the shortest route to anywhere here, he was the master of roads; a person any cars will love to have as the owner. Just today we were so lost, trying to make our way from apollo centre to ikea at tampines. If only i still remember when was the last time he was on the driver seat. The simplest stuffs i took for granted for 15 years of my life is gone, just gone within 2 weeks of hell...

My room is undergoing a major change now, bringing in a few new furnitures and moving out a massive bookshelf. I guess its the best way to quickly pick myself up again. While packing stuffs today, i recovered many 'artifacts', ranging from sec3 to j2s, many memories came flooding back, some sweet, some nightmares.. I decided to throw away most of my old clothes, so if my dad did return he would have been pleasantly surprised by the changes.. Then i found a spongebob squarepants towel. Like wow, it's still good as new.. It's from the 1st 3 months era, where everything seemed so perfect.. Then neoprints taken at bugis on 20/07/06 and a new zealand handphone chain, i guess there's nothing i can do already besides the disappointment on myself.. Then two wristguards, used when i dislocated my wrist back at j1s.. Then some of the SJAB documents and MSHS school notes.. man that were lots of memories...

I dont know how long we can ever pick ourselves up again, at least not in the near future. Everything just seems... different after the family had 1 less person. Even though dad played a lesser role in our lives for the past 3 years or so, the backstage jobs he had been doing for the past 2 years can never be replaced anymore. Maybe we need time, really some time to rethink alot of things, reorganise and carry on our lives....

At the end of the day i need no more tears, i need no more sympathy, the smses from everyone are really encouraging. What really matters is as what my mom's Buddhist shifu told us on the night of dad's passing, the important lesson in life people always overlook is simply...

to cherish...

//Brandon struck at 12:31 AM\\