This place just set to become more emo as time goes by... Who would have thought troubles increase as the ORD date is nearing... But really, today was a very bad day..
Yet another disastrous driving lesson.. I dont see the point if every lesson is setting the new low in terms of morale and of course, money... But today is really bad, i havent been scolded as jialat before, even though this could have been my 10th or 11th lesson already.. Really felt damn lousy for the whole day, even 3 different games cant seem to cheer me up, let alone the internet msn facebook blahblahblah... The temporary ease of pain when i visited my grandparents' for dinner quickly subsided during my journey home alone in the bus..
Why, increasingly in every lesson, am i scolded as if i'm a delinquent?
Or is it the result of so many days taken off outside camp that my self-discipline took a tumble?
Am i not the person i thought i am all this while?
Yeah i havta admit i'm kinda cold sometimes, 'cos really i am bad in verbal communication.. I also admit i am a slow learner; i cant seem to grasp hold of new stuffs the way my acquaintances do, i always learn through mistakes no matter how hard i try not to repeat it... Sometimes i dont know if i should carry on my misery or to just get it over and done with, increasingly i'm beginning to lose focus in alot of stuffs... Be it driving, learning programming or even training for sundown just 2+ months away, i cant put in 100% and get distracted so easily, i'm really afraid i'll give up everything when i hit the boiling point... Being alone at home doesnt help, i mean i dont mind staying at home but not with this fucked-up mood.. I also disliked showing depressed mode when outside with friends, 'cos really i don wanna end up brawling in front of them..
I only know i've put in my very best efforts in all the stuffs i've done; but after today's session, i'm not sure anymore if efforts really pays off in the end.. If the end-product of trying hard every lesson is to make more mistakes and worsening degree of scolding, then...
//Brandon struck at
10:05 PM\\