//...strike!...\\

Monday, March 02, 2009

was wondering whether to put this up on a note at facebook, but i decided not to in case this turns out to be another ultra negative post, even though i didnt mean to initially, so well here it goes...

Finally can pack and bring duffel bag home, it's phase 1 of Operation ORD lol.. The way i see it, clearing your cupboard is just like an archaeological dig; the deeper you dig the further of the past you'll reach.. As i 'uncovered' items by items through the mess (ok i dont usually pack my cupboard hahah) it's just like a replay of your whole NS life right in front of you.. From the days of being botak to short hair to now much much longer hair, certain stuffs just somehow bring back loads of memories, both sweet and sour, back to your head..

The month of December 2008, where i took one of my biggest challenge so far participating in Stanchart'08.. It's where i cleared my long-time nememsis, SOC which caused me to be a private for so long.. And not forgetting my first trip to China where i learn more both about the country and my cousins whom i didnt grow up together with..

The month of August, the biggest exercise we all had been training for months, i can still remember the jubilation at the end of it... Totally cool..

The month of January to March, the toughest course attended in my service time, adding on to the mental stress from the previous months.. But the toughest times no doubt are always the most memorable times, even better if you went through it with a group of supportive people..

The month of December 07, the month i want to forget for obvious reasons, i couldn't think of a lower point in my life other than that.. Adding on to the lack fo support i had from my camp, its just made my day worse than worst.. I had to force myself to recover from the brink of total destruction for the sake of many precious family members and friends, and when the side-effects kicked in, i couldnt do anything else but to face it myself; it is my own battle with the demons inside.. I'm still fighting, and who knows which will be the winning side?

The month of October 07, the month i made my hardest and the second-most painful decision in my life so far...

The month of June, where all hell started in my newly posted unit, where i was given a kick to the gut at the time when i needed the most support i could get...

The month of March, my enlistment day and the 3 months that followed were and still are the most enjoyable periods i had throughout the whole service term: BMT.. But with one regret of being unable to pass ippt in order to advance to command school...

It all ended when i sealed my duffel bag, all the replays of the memories in my head.. As i looked on to life after ORD, i cant help but feel a cocktail of emotions; both joy and uncertainty. The current situation outside just says it all: There are 5 times more unemployed people than jobs offered at the job fair.. Really, i cant help but to compare the life in camp to the outside world.. It's like venturing out of a sheltered place where things are relatively comfortable at the cost of your freedom, to somewhere where you now have absolute freedom but life is not always a bed of roses.. My point is proven by a few of my friends ORD-ing a few weeks earlier; the anticipation to the day did not lived up to its expectation.. Within the happiness comes a sense of loss; within the loud cheers of "ORD LOH!" comes a cloud of uncertainty hovering above..

All the sudden the road ahead seemed precarious; you just dont know what lies in fornt of you.. Something bad, like a banana skin waiting to make you slip? Or something desirable, like a $50 dollar note waiting for you to pick up? Optimists will say, well we are the ones who will create the so-called 'banana skins', so cheer up we are in control of our fate.. Pessimists will say, well the road are full of 'banana skins' so we have to be careful.. Realistic people will say, well i will avoid the banana skins if i see one, and pick up the $50 dollar note if i see one; fate will decide what i will get... To speak the truth i'm not quite sure which category i fall in...

It does feels good to bring the load home, but as i walked out of the camp gate under the rumbling dark skies threatening to pour, i cant help but wished in vain that someone was there to fetch me home.. He was there for so many points in my life; he fetched me to tekong as a recruit for every book-in, he fetched me into the unit i got newly posted to.. He drove me to nee soon camp for my first plant enginer course, but he was unable to for the second course in Jan'07 and the subsequent book-ins to Jurong camp.. When i ORD, he will never see my pink i/c again... Dad, i really wished you were there... Quite frustrating that i havent completely gotten over it after so long...

Putting aside all these thoughts, walking out i could hear myself muttered as i turned my back against this camp for the last time as a NSF (cos the next time i'm a civilian lol),

"ORD, loh...."

//Brandon struck at 8:23 PM\\