//...strike!...\\

Monday, May 25, 2009

For the past week i've been challenged so much by the question that is still pressing as ever, even right now... What's the meaning of being in a family? No matter how much i thought about it, i still cant find the answer.. If there's one thing that remain unchanged after dad left us, it had to be the lack of cherish in even the simplest things in life.. Things like food, family warmth, being family members etc etc have all been overlooked by petty quarrels and the insastible hunger for satisfaction..

Some people asked me why am i so addicted to gundams... Firstly, it's not an addiction; i'm merely charmed by the ideals that the term gundam depict in their so many different stories, be it Gundam Z, ZZ, G, W, X, Seed, Seed Destiny, 00, 00 s2, they all have some common storyline: they see the injustice of the world they are in (well i'm not so sure about G though hahah), they felt bitterness and they vow to change the world and their destiny with their own hands, behold Gundams... Secondly, the Sangokuden series are not the one i'm talking about; i'm merely collecting them 'cos i'm a fan of Three Kingdoms (novels, Dynasty Warriors, manga and now the gundam series).. The painting starts when i saw how dull it is without colour, simple as that.. They are on facebook so as to make my profile look more... well colourful i guess lol...

I'm not dreaming of piloting gundams mind you, i'm just attracted to the fact that our destiny are always on our own hands (maybe 10% of it couldnt be controlled, biologically... you know what i means).. Sometimes its just scary when u are lying on ur bed and realise that you just dont know what the future lies ahead.. For example just plain considering the fact that you are studying in a local uni for the next 4 years brings up alot of issues, like the source of income bank loans the common worry of whether-you-will-study-well etc etc.. Actually i'm not complaining, i'm just more of a thinker and plotter; think and ponder just about anything and then plotting out plans..

Which comes to the biggest dilemma of being just a thinker and plotter: i'm very very bad in executing my plans.. The best evidences? The failure to prepare properly for this weekend's sundown, failure to study properly a book of programming i downloaded from net, failure to get a source of income after so long since ORD, and much much more... Damn it for having such weak willpower...

I sure hope this upcoming sundown marathon will be the pump for my willpower =/

*alrites i've lost the blogging bug halfway typing lol... this post have neither heads nor tails zzz*

//Brandon struck at 8:45 PM\\

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

in the end, i've failed

//Brandon struck at 1:16 PM\\

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Finally, tmw is may 20th, my tp test date...

The day, where i've been throwing my money into lessons for so long, has came at last...

//Brandon struck at 10:10 PM\\

Monday, May 11, 2009

Nothing short of a confidence crisis =/

Sometimes its just so frustrating; why would i bother to go take up driving lessons had i known it will carry along so much problems that seemingly only i among the rest face? I cant help but to feel envious of people whom actually enjoy their driving lessons.. Feeling kinda screwed 'cos the instructor gave me a vote of no-confidence in the upcoming test and still went ahead to further pull down my already low morale... To add on to it my mom and bro tag-teamed on me about the mounting expenditure of the driving lessons.. Cant they just give me a break? I'm already depending on my own savings paying for the lessons, almost hitting 1.8k which has already overshot my budget, another source of irritation definitely...

I really really really really wanna pass it first time, as a second would meant definitely breaking the 2k mark, but the odds are really against me.. I cant stand it when they say i'm not putting in efforts; wth?! Why would i wanna spend more than 150bucks every week just to get scolded and screamed at? Why would i actually REJECT job offers because i havta go for lessons on weekday mornings?! Why would i wanna wake up at 7am just to get screamed at and affecting the mood for the whole day as the result?! Why would i wanna endure all those damn situations in hope that i can pass first time?!

I just wanna do it for my family, period... No one knows fully how valuable the license meant to me.. But the harder i try, the odds just seemed to become higher for me to overcome..

Man, do i feel drained really....

//Brandon struck at 8:51 PM\\

Thursday, May 07, 2009

In 2005 my dad underwent a stem ceel transplant operation.. It was a gamble as it was not assured and confirmed that stem cells, the origins of all cells, are able to combat cancer effectiviely.. The operation went ahead still, with a tough difficult gamble to handle... But he didnt undego alone; another man, a Chinese from Indonesia, also took the same gamble.. They became friends in such times of extreme uncertainty, as they battled along just to make sure they can be with their families and friends for as much time as possible..

2 years later my dad lost the battle...

Yesterday my family received the news that he had also succumbled to his illness..

I dunno, i just felt quite sad really, no fancy words, just sad... To describe whether its about feeling being cheated by the hospital, i wasnt really sure... I would give them the benefit of the doubt that they had tried their best in both cases, but even that i wasnt really sure also.. Which sort of affected my mood for the whole of yesterday and today; i couldnt concentrate on anything, driving games or studying.. Life is just too unpredictable and harsh sometimes..

I hope they will be leading a better life in heavens when they meet up with each other =)

R.I.P

//Brandon struck at 9:48 PM\\