//...strike!...\\

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Today at MNO lecture i had an unexpected phrase that jolted some brain cells in me, and so i'm here blogging, right after maths mid terms, and yes i did tell a few people, notably dipsy and jason that i'm not coming online 'cos too shagged... But this sentence is worth the effort to blog about, even the tiredness and the 2 midterms tomorrow lol...

"Trust entails the willingness to be vulnerable"

and i just realised my maths midterm got only 2 confirmed right, means minimum 2 points but probably that would be my score, sian... Maybe studying in the wrong direction? Zzzz to the max..

Anyway, the statement is rather true, isnt it? We tend to reveal more about ourselves to people we trust.. I mean, not literally reveal in terms of clothes but in terms of your background, character etc etc.. As people progress from strangers to friends we disclose part of our lives and laugh at our own weaknesses as we share among the group; we gradually know more about each other, their likes and dislikes, their attitudes, the portion of behaviour we dont like about each other etc.. Maybe 'cos i tend to trust people too easily, i sort of leak much of my characteristics, good and bad, rather cheaply.. Sometimes it earns me some friends and accidental popularity, which i really never intend to earn anyway; sometimes it helps me to realise the darker side of some people i thought were initially ok but took advantage of my weakness and build on it, thus earning some unwanted attention..

i dont know now, am i considered attention-deprived? I always recognise my biggest weakness is my failure to consider politics inside any relationships, friends family etc.. I almost certainly fail to consider the side-effects of whatever actions i make, and that doesnt even include the 'stirring shit' kind of stuffs, which i know is just for fun but what i'm more wary of is the stuffs that i DONT hear.. Which is why i just couldnt do a good job in showing mask A to the people i like and mask B to another group of people, and mask C to people i dont like.. I'm pretty much what-u-see-is-what-u-get kind of person, though i at times really dislike this characteristic of mine... Am i in the wrong place of this world? Is my character unsuitable for a place here?

Perhaps what everyone has been trying to tell me is true, wake up u naive boy, the world is darker than it seems though it's bright and sunny and enjoyable but it really isnt... But then again, what ulterior motives can i hide? A person broken into pieces and still in the process of fixing up after 2 years cant really do something sinister, right?

Something inside me just says, "do whatever you think is right and fits your moral values, and you have nothing to hide, and nothing to answer for..."

I think maybe i'm not really suitable for giving tuition, lol maybe i read too much but the maths midterms said alot about my preparations and my illusion on how ready i'm for anything...

back to the books, but first its sleeping time =/

//Brandon struck at 12:09 AM\\