//...strike!...\\

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Last night i reached home so drained, I slept from 830pm to around 11+pm.. Overshot my intended time by 1 hour, oh wells so tried my best to mug, maybe do some tutorials or some reading up but brain just still in half-asleep mode, so after awhile at 1am fell back to bed again..

And woke up at 1030am! Like wow lol that's almost 12hours of sleep within a 14 hour timespan.. But i saw it coming already, it had been a hectic 2 weeks of school, project assignments tutorials in an endless cycle.. It dont come as a surprise that during such hard times people would start questioning themselves about their choices; whether they have made a right move in choosing the current degree or even the decision to undertake university studies. I too asked myself that question plenty of times...

From a third party's view it was a pretty nonsensical decision; i am more inclined towards science, more specifically chemistry and maths.. So what am i doing in computer engineering? For some parts maybe it was sort of a dumping ground since biz accounts and science rejected me, but for most part i have this inner desire to have a go at the IT industry when i come out of uni, whether with a 1st upper or 2nd lower degree.. Something inside me desires to take up a huge risk to venture upon unexplored grounds rather than to bask in green grasses of my own comfort zone... True i may have zero experience in anything about programming, and i'm rather well-known for being a ultra slow learner, this degree which will takes more than 4 years to attain will be a hard route to take..

But i guess that it will be this hardship that i will learn and take away the most from it, we humans will only learn and grow through undergoing trials and tests; and we will be stronger at the end of the road, physically and mentally..

Hang on there, gambatte, 加油！i say repeat it in so many different languages, but most importantly everyone must put these words into actions... Life will no doubt be tough, but enjoyable if we go through it with family and friends that we love and trust..

keep on running..

i'm less than halfway through this dark period that continues to haunt,

true enough the double losses 2 years ago to me it still taunts.

everyday i ask myself if i have the strength to carry on running,

sieving through the dark thoughts whose words i perceive as ruthlessly cunning.

but deep down i know that in a journey ahead that seems so daunting,

i will not be alone walking, running...

in my skin i'm crawling..

Crawling - Linkin Park

Discomfort endlessly
Has pulled itself upon me
Distracting, reacting
Against my will
I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting
How I can't seem...

To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence,)
(I'm convinced that there's just)
(Too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure

Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

//Brandon struck at 12:22 PM\\