//...strike!...\\

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Thanks to those who went for the party on Sunday, really appreciate it... OK i know its like the umpteen times i've said thanks and the appreciations, but you will know why...

If you asked me last year whether i'm going to hold a 21st birthday celebration, my answer would be, "No way in hell, whats the point?" yeah really, whats the point? At that time i'm still having some sort of a phobia to the happy birthday song, which you may think is weird but considering that

(although the following lines may seem a tad too emo but its really words i wanted to say during the party, although i thought its wiser not to, and its really from the bottom of my heart, nothing sad nothing offensive, just words)

dad left us exactly 2 weeks before i turned 19, the first occasion i heard the birthday song, which was about a month or more later, i almost crumbled while singing.. It was as if theres no purpose in having birthday celebrations anymore, so whats the point?

But kudos to my mom and her sisters for forcing me for the chalet, for i'm truly touched by the turnout of friends during the party.. It adds alot more purposes into life now, which was the magical touch i need to carry on moving forward in the tough uni life ahead.. Although dad cannot be here with me, my paternal grandmother has difficulties moving and so unable to come, and my maternal grandmother who brought me up are unable to attend due to recuperation from her recent hospitalisation, i still consider the celebration a success... As much as i wish the above 3 people are able to witness the celebration, the turnout as well as the warmth my friends gave me during the party sort of calm the emotional nerves within, threatening to erupt throughout the whole party..

And i was very surprised i was rather calm; i didnt get a hint of emo during the singing of birthday songs, the family photos, all those which i thought will trigger a flood of emotions and hence, tears during the celebration.. Maybe i want to save face, 'tough guys dont tear in front of anyone' kind of logic, but what i believe that its is

a sign to be strong,

to carry on no matter how tough life may be,

to appreciate all the people you loved and cared,

to endure through all kinds of shit for family, friends and loved ones

thanks for everything, everyone =)

//Brandon struck at 12:50 AM\\

Thursday, December 24, 2009

I kind of stand firm with my ground, that is, time does not heal all wounds but it just numbs it.. Superficial wounds get covered up by the endless creation of new skin cells placed on top of it as time goes by, but wounds to the heart doesnt.. I can really see from my own point of views; it tells me that people who doesnt undergo any major trauma events in his/her life will surely believe time will heal all wounds.. No offence to people who feels their lives are smooth-sailing and i really congratulate them for this gift by the heavens, but i speak out more about people who are unable to stand up after receiving a huge blow, which to a certain extent includes me..

As the river of time flows on, the piercing pain will numb, but nevertheless still a pain once in awhile..
Memories stick to places, such that it continues to strike even when we thought that well, time heals all wounds..

Naive we are, if we allow the river to clense the wounds and do nothing else..

but really, there will be a point in the flow of time when this surge of hurt merges with our daily routines in life, such that when it strikes, pain will definitely be felt but not a foreign one... As we follow through the river of time, we initially count

how many steps we are from that fateful point in the flow,

then we count how many metres,

then how many kilometres,

then we measure in miles,

until we reach a certain point where we only remember that there is such a fateful point in the river, but lost sight of it from the endless flow of time.. But the wound remains within the heart, serving us as a reminder of how naive we were prior to receiving that blow to deserve this wound..

This message is dedicated to everyone nursing their wounds right now, there are more in life than looking back to the past and be affected by it, no matter how unavoidable it is.. Ride down the river of time and glance at the beautiful passing sceneries, for in hope that it may serve as a medicine to heal ourselves emotionally and spiritually...

And always, always look out for friends riding along with you in the flow of time.

After all, laughter's the best medicine, aren't they?

Merry Christmas :)

-For the woundeds, By a wounded

*as a signing off, personally i think the greatest courage is not forcibly showing a strong front to everyone but the reveal of our vulnerable side of us.. i hope i had that courage but then..

//Brandon struck at 6:12 PM\\

Friday, December 18, 2009

Today receiving news of my grandma in hospital, plus my first ever return to a hospital in 2 years, it had been a terrible day... It's like history repeating itself after a long time of peace..

Seems like my phobia for hospital is here to stay for a long long time...

thankfully she's ok, just stay a night for observation, but the whole episode building up to it was scary enough, i was controlling my emotions and tears all the way until i managed to see her, 4 hours after receiving the news.. Something inside me holds the primitive fear of hospitals, and i guess its never going away..

Please, i dont want anything to go wrong now...

//Brandon struck at 12:53 AM\\

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Yesterday was the anniversary, 2 years to be exact...

Just like the marathon on Sunday when 2 past injuries came up and almost crippled it, this only served to remind me how effective time is to heal all wounds.. And yesterday was just the same, i was struggling whole day to cover up as they threaten to burst open from scars left for so long.. Yet when i saw families walking around central at clarke quay somehow the mood just gets lower and lower.. I hate myself for feeling like this but well until my life ends, every year this day will affect me the most among the 365...

These few days i can only look as mom struggles with her business admin diploma exams, which was tough partly for her age to even consider mugging, and they test on excel word powerpoint and access, all of which i am semi good or not even well-versed in, so the most i can offer is just breakfast everyday and try to help her along.. Other than that i feel pretty useless, which closely brings back the feeling which exploded 2 years ago in this exact same time period..

How did my ankle injury pop out during the run really puzzled me.. It was an injury during J1, which was 4 5 years ago? And its so freaking foreignly pain i almost did the unthinkable: throwing in the towel.. In the end i did complete the race, abeit in a real struggle, and all the sudden for the first time in six races so far willpower almost came up short in forcing me to clear the finishing line and really, its kinda scary... The days after the race was a nightmare; now is still a struggle walking around without pain but thankfully its recovering...

What a change in 4 days after the euphoria in ending exams... I only hope i can get back happier soon =/

//Brandon struck at 8:09 PM\\

Saturday, December 05, 2009

1st posting for december..

Actually i am rather nervous for tmw stanchart.. Not that i'm gunning for a good timing, cos its pretty obvious i cant get the results last year given the amount of training this time round.. Rather its how to survive through this undoubtedly gruesome race.. For so long i was depending on my sheer willpower to complete the race, last year stanchart, Sundown at May this year, followed by AHM at August, Human Race at October and the Real Run last month.. None can be compared to Stanchart races every year..

Sure, i reckon its because it is in the month of December, especially at a rather sensitive date.. I almost skipped last year's race due to sorrow but thankfully i managed to change that to strength, willpower to finish the race under 6 hours, far beyond my expectations.. This time round, i will need to depend on it more than ever.. Oh wells since this is a 42.195 km run, who knows what will happen along the way..? As in AHM, i started the process of leaving some 'just-in-case' kind of messages at the eve of a race i thought i had trouble running..

"Some may think its unlucky to talk about last words or anything, but i couldnt think of a more crucial timing to other than the eve of a running event, ie marathons or half marathons or even just a 10km fun run.. I dont know if its just me, but i cant help but notice a spike in the number of sudden deaths in recent years, its kinda scary if it really happens near you, and of course for my situation i dont want history to repeat itself again, so yeah...

but then, i dont know what to write either! lol... then maybe instead of talking about this (if it really happens) short life, i would rather talk about thanking all the people who have made an impact in my (again if it really happens) short life...

My family,
My few buddies and good frens that i can die for,
My kindergarden school mates whom i've lost contact with,
My marist frens from primary to secondary,
My CJC 1st 3 months frens,
My SAJC classmates and fitness people,
My BMT Ninja platoon mates,
My 30sce frens,
All my teachers, school and tuition
and last but not least NUS frens from Excalibur and Mario, both freshies and seniors

and of course, , thank you (your name)for magnanimously treated me as a sincere friend and for making an impact on my life

All the way for StanChart Marathon!!"

keep on running, for all the people i cherish in my life

//Brandon struck at 1:10 PM\\