//...strike!...\\

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

great day today, yeah real 'great'...

maybe too much emphasis was placed on studies, and as the result lost touch with many things outside my own personal world... family, friends, there are so many that i wanna do but it just boils down to time management and just purely the desire and strength to make the first move to keep in touch with them.. It's pretty obvious after today's disaster, when a lighter is just about enough to create a rift between me and one of my closer friends..

Somehow, uni has this unique ability to shorten your fuse, ie your tolerance levels on anything.. Why did he reassure me that he quited smoking and then proceed to lit a cigarette with the very lighter he asked me to buy, and why did I actually trust the sms even though i've rejected to purchase that very lighter the first time? And why did he lose his temper at me for being angry at him for smoking? Why did i purposely confront him in a very indirect way that ultimately caused the debacle today? Theres alot of questions, but these are questions that do not need an answer....

nevertheless, one thing i find stupid is the reason for smoking: stress... if so, then everyone is a smoker already and i would have been arrested for drug abuse years ago, yet at that point of time disappointment and anger clouded my mind to realise that everyone has their own ways of destressing... It's just that some ways are alot more unhealthier than others.... yet to buy a lighter for your close friend to smoke, it just doesnt seem right to me... its akin to borrowing money to a gambler, lending knife for someone to commit murder... and the fallout at the busstop, it could have been avoidable but credit to our stubbornness, it happened... the only amusing part? i hadnt lost my temper throughout the whole incident.....

yet i was guilty of a deliberate poke at my close friend, whom expectedly just walked away, leaving my another friend dumbstruck.... why did i commit that crime, i still couldnt understand at that moment, but when he left that bloody lighter on the seat, i realised where i went in this incident... because of the my inability to cope with the heavy workload in school i've neglected a close friend in distress... too many times i've lost the chance to show my concern, hence he took up the cigarette again.. i swore to be stronger, yet i've failed spectacularly today -_-

once again in the month of february, i felt powerless.....

hais, a stupid day of the CNY week.....

//Brandon struck at 10:54 PM\\