//...strike!...\\

Monday, June 21, 2010

The song of the performance is "I Will Survive" ...

3 years on and I still shudder at the title of this song..

To perform or not? It's really the case of personal feelings over work..

//Brandon struck at 12:55 AM\\

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Happiness can be very simple..

Reading the post on tumblr made me very touched, thanks girl =)

I guess in general, when you deeply appreciate someone you loved, it comes naturally that you seek to understand her, you constantly ask yourself

how is she feeling now?

why the feeling?

is she looking for answers, or really just need a listening ear?

Or at the end of the day, all she needs is just you by her side, the presence of you alone beats all the riches and fortunes in the world.

I understood it once in the past, then I lost it... And now i understand again =)

//Brandon struck at 12:19 AM\\

Sunday, June 06, 2010

ok lah i try to lengthen my blog post hahaha..

had a rather tiring day.. Gave my last tuition lesson to a sec3 thai kid, and all the while I was wondering if I really am cut out to be a tuition teacher.. After being at the receiving end of many many discouraging advice during childhood, its pretty tough trying to boost my confidence level.. I mean, if I'm not confident to teach, what would my tuition kid feels? Surely the two setbacks last year, coupled with one this year is proof enough I cant teach for nuts.. To teach for the sake of a source of income is quite against my morals I guess, and there's really alot of income sources that is what I feel immoral... Take MLM for example, enough said :X

Saturday, went down to suntec investment fair to open an account, but actual stock-playing would start 2 weeks later.. Maybe that will be my destiny; to earn money without risking anyone around me.. I just feel uncomfortable earning money from others... Tuition not exactly la, but the aim of giving tuition is to help your student to pull up his/her grades, but if you are not effective or he/she doesnt like ur teaching style one bit, then what's the point? MLM, ask your friend buy 1 package from you and then you earn commission, then if your friend sells a few packages you earn from his sales, and the tree (literally) carrys on... Does it feel right to earn money this way? Sure, get rich but immoral to me, its just me lah hahah so please dont come hunt me down =)

I hope I can have luck, just hope bah..

How long does it takes to heal a wound? If you say a small cut, give it a week max, it heals with little or no scar.. Say a major injury, fracture or dislocation, maybe months of recuperation and the injured part of your body may never function as well as before.. But when your heart takes a emotional trauma, how long to recover?

The answer lies in you actually.. It goes through a number of phases really ( how i know, through experiences la duh xD)

First you decide if you want to recover. Basically, you depend on your pure determination to decide whether you want to stand up again, or wallow in self-pity and deceiving yourself for the rest of your life. Your choice

Then you decide how you want to recover. Work yourself silly and die of exhaustion every night, too tired to think of anything (reminds me of my army days). Go find best friends or kind strangers to help you to open your mind, to see things in a different angle, basically just 想开一点 lah, simple as that.. No one has the best method of recovery, injured personels have to trial-and-error until they hit the jackpot, or they just continue healing forever..

But just one advice, NEVER set a date for recovery.. No such thing as "Ok, by 5 months I will be normal again.." The negative part on thinking this way is that first, you will be hugely disappointed when you failed to achieve your aim, and second it forms another blow to you when you failed, so why give yourself more reasons to feel upset for? And when someone comes up to you and says, "Wah, I that time more chaaam than you ah, I so unlucky becos' I blahblahblah and then blahblahblah..." just bloody hell slap the life out of him/her (yes, regardless of gender) nobody's gonna feel better because he/she know someone was worse off..

I didnt think i set a date for myself, and even if I set, it will be the day when i carry this wound to the graves... There are just too many stuffs that affects you emotionally to even think about recovering (ok thats only my opinion, good if you are more optimistic than me, congrats) And family is a huge issue in me, how to be happy when the dinnertable and the place you grew up are now filled with vengence, despair, hopelessness, jealousy, bitterness, unblissful ignorance, rage... In case you are wondering why is that even possible, 家家有本难念的经, its hard to explain 'cos it's just the way it is, though undesirable but its unavoidable.. Its harder to find the willingness to spend time with family when the adults underneath the roofs are killing each other weaponlessly..

Most probably, I would just fade off to the shadows and wait for things to happen as usual.. Not that I can do anything about it, this way i rather have breakfast lunch and dinner at home alone, at least the solitude of being alone feels better than all the craps under the roof now..

And feeling the strength of your grip plus ur emotions inside suntec city at friday, I really felt helpless for a moment, but then I decided, quite swiftly though, that I have to look into my resolve again.. To be there for everyone when they want help, to give the appropriate source of strength (think in a way of teaching a man how to fish rather than giving him a fish, and you will see my point) , to let nature follow its ways ( 顺其自然... somehow i forgot the english translation of it hahah) and just be dependable..

Dont worry girl =) here's a song for you

周杰伦 - 我落泪。情绪零碎

地上断了翅的蝶
雾散之后的满月
原来爱跟心碎
都可以很细节
听夜风绕过几条街
秋天瘦了满地的落叶
于是又一整夜
感性的句子都枯萎凋谢

我不想再写
随手撕下这一页
原来诗跟离别
可以没有结尾(没有结尾)
憔悴后悔等等这些
于是我把诗折迭
邮寄出感觉夹一束白玫瑰
你将爱退回

我不落泪忍住感觉
分手在起风这个季节
哭久了会累也只是别人的以为
冷的咖啡我清醒着一再续杯

我落泪情绪零碎
你的世界一幕幕纷飞
门外的蔷薇带刺伤人的很直接
过去被翻阅结局满天的风雪

//Brandon struck at 11:40 PM\\

Thursday, June 03, 2010

1km plus and my knee is screaming for help...

Will Stanchart '10 be my swansong marathon? Or will I ever run again...

sian... Blogposts are getting shorter and shorter already hahaha...

//Brandon struck at 11:52 PM\\

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

I don't aim to be the best, but at least I want to be the one there when someone needs a helping hand

I hope everyone does well for exams, just by his/her own expectations and strictly no comparisions to anyone else

If I seem to appear smug or too fake, I don't care

//Brandon struck at 12:12 AM\\